Memory of a dream
Since my dad died (when I was 11) I always wondered what adult life would have been like if he lived.
One night I had the LONGEST dream I can remember.
It was life with my dad.
Not the magical kind of dream. But a reality dream.
Before he died, my mom and him divorced, and he was also retired. The dream played out the same as if he never died. He never gave up drinking. He was almost a hermit in the house. He would spend his days on the recliner. Then off to bed for a long time.
He was my dad but almost a shell of himself. Never laughed.
We would talk...but never feeling satisfied in what was said.
One day (in the dream, that spanned months), I said, "wait, he's dead". I was confused.
The dream kept going.
Over time I kept saying "this can't be real, he's dead". But I would wake up and he was still there.
I would say it again, and again.
Eventually I said I wanted it to end, to go back to reality.
When I woke up it wasn't jarring...it was.....like a desire completed.
I had asked God so many times before, "when I die, please let me see what life would have been like if he lived". I wanted to see the different paths my life could have been. I feel like I finally got to see one.
I feel like...things did happen for a reason.
My dad did not want to be alive. He died in the house but never once did I feel his spirit or think he haunted the house. He did not stick around. I'm happy I got to see the alternative, and happy that he passed in peace.
One night I had the LONGEST dream I can remember.
It was life with my dad.
Not the magical kind of dream. But a reality dream.
Before he died, my mom and him divorced, and he was also retired. The dream played out the same as if he never died. He never gave up drinking. He was almost a hermit in the house. He would spend his days on the recliner. Then off to bed for a long time.
He was my dad but almost a shell of himself. Never laughed.
We would talk...but never feeling satisfied in what was said.
One day (in the dream, that spanned months), I said, "wait, he's dead". I was confused.
The dream kept going.
Over time I kept saying "this can't be real, he's dead". But I would wake up and he was still there.
I would say it again, and again.
Eventually I said I wanted it to end, to go back to reality.
When I woke up it wasn't jarring...it was.....like a desire completed.
I had asked God so many times before, "when I die, please let me see what life would have been like if he lived". I wanted to see the different paths my life could have been. I feel like I finally got to see one.
I feel like...things did happen for a reason.
My dad did not want to be alive. He died in the house but never once did I feel his spirit or think he haunted the house. He did not stick around. I'm happy I got to see the alternative, and happy that he passed in peace.
31-35, F
