Dreams and memories
There is something common about all the dreams I had of my mother.. In every single dream, I knew that she was dead, and I wondered as to when she will leave, and why she is still hanging around... I really don't know why it is the case.. Maybe it is because I am in denial still? Or that I want to move on... I have no idea why I keep saying this in all my dreams. Today dreamt of her and it was the same thing.. Ever since she passed away, there has been only one dream where she was alive in the dream, but the rest, she'd seem alive, but I'd know she is not..
[media=https://youtu.be/fBdWZqCyPkk]
I love this song.. but it reminds me of my mother, and so I hesitate to listen to it much.. Not because we listened to it together or anything like that.. But because this song reminds me of a period of time when the Egyptian revolution was going. I used to listen to it a lot.. and while my mother and I were never close really, throughout our entire life together, so it is not a matter of me losing faith or anything else..This period of time, during the revolution, was the most when we bonded.. It is because we both found a common interest; politics, and we were both on the same side, supporting the revolution.. It was also the period before I lost my faith, and so we had a lot of shared values.. My mother became more conservative the older she got, but because at the time I was a practicing believer (open minded and liberal though) she supported my liberal views, and even adopted them, when we had discussions with my brother who was on the other side... Later, she'd just purposely oppose the same liberal views, because she knew I was not as religious as I used to be..
After that, even our political opinions didn't meet much, my mother's, just seemed very contradictory to me.. She supported with all her heart an old socialist and secular Egyptian leader, yet condoned values that go against that.. Sometimes I felt she liked him because he reminds her of her youth, not for his values or the √ he was calling for..
I think there is no use of discussing all of that.. it is just what has been on my mind after dreaming of her and coming across the Titanium song by accident.. and being in my favourite cafe, I get talkative and in the mood for writing..
[media=https://youtu.be/fBdWZqCyPkk]
I love this song.. but it reminds me of my mother, and so I hesitate to listen to it much.. Not because we listened to it together or anything like that.. But because this song reminds me of a period of time when the Egyptian revolution was going. I used to listen to it a lot.. and while my mother and I were never close really, throughout our entire life together, so it is not a matter of me losing faith or anything else..This period of time, during the revolution, was the most when we bonded.. It is because we both found a common interest; politics, and we were both on the same side, supporting the revolution.. It was also the period before I lost my faith, and so we had a lot of shared values.. My mother became more conservative the older she got, but because at the time I was a practicing believer (open minded and liberal though) she supported my liberal views, and even adopted them, when we had discussions with my brother who was on the other side... Later, she'd just purposely oppose the same liberal views, because she knew I was not as religious as I used to be..
After that, even our political opinions didn't meet much, my mother's, just seemed very contradictory to me.. She supported with all her heart an old socialist and secular Egyptian leader, yet condoned values that go against that.. Sometimes I felt she liked him because he reminds her of her youth, not for his values or the √ he was calling for..
I think there is no use of discussing all of that.. it is just what has been on my mind after dreaming of her and coming across the Titanium song by accident.. and being in my favourite cafe, I get talkative and in the mood for writing..
31-35, F
