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I Feel Like My Dreams Are Telling Me Something

I was diagnosed with Severe Anxiety and Extreme Depression in 2017 while I was in high school. I am 20 now and have been dealing with serious nightmares for easily 7-8 years, and I believe those were the cause of my mental illnesses. For most people with mental Illnesses, it is brought on by an external problem and trauma, for me it was debilitating nightmares that caused me to sleep walk or not sleep at all. They have only started calming down a few months ago. I didn't tell very many people about it (mostly because I didn't want to scare my parents), and it was to the point where I even had to tie one of my hands and one of my feet to my bed so I wouldn't hurt myself sleepwalking.

When I finally got the guts to give in and try listening to the nightmares, they began to change. They went from something meaningless and horrible to horrible but something else came into the mix and I still don't have a name for it. I started building a new life in that world. A horrible, miserable, lonely, and extremely painful life. I've learned about myself, the people I trusted for the wrong reasons, they showed me who was using me, and who really gave a shit about me. That is the world I'm used to. I have experienced so many horrible things, yet I wish I was half as brave and amazing as her. I'm planning on writing the dreams in detail but every time I start on the more ruff details I have to get up and walk away for more than an hour.
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ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
Sounds like your subconscious has been chewing over the details of your life and trying to tell you something....I think it's a great idea to write them down and you may just find the answer to how to look at your life and make sense of what's happened ... Good luck on your journey and be safe!
Thanks. I've made sense of most of it. They also forced me into loosid dreaming, during the earlier parts. It helped a lot being conscious for the worst ones, I just feel a lingering pain from what ever i went through that night for about an hour after I wake up
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
@FrustratedAndUnderPaid I'm no psychologist, but I do think sometimes you have to drag those horrible bits out into the sunlight so you can drive a wooden stake through their hearts before you can move on :)
I agree but for some reason there is part of me that doesn't want it gone. I started calling them dreams instead of nightmares, partly because I want a part of that world to be real. Part of me wants her scares because no one would ever look at her and say "that's a problem to you? That's nothing like an actual problem. You are just looking for attention" I heard that a lot when i was younger
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
@FrustratedAndUnderPaid maybe it doesn't need to go then... But placed within a framework that makes sense and allows you to live your life?
Ya. I'll have to try and find some other ways to push it to the back burner. They've shaped me more than I know so I'm not sure how I would do that. I will figure something out
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
@FrustratedAndUnderPaid well you are exploring your thoughts and feelings so that's a good way to start I think ..
I hope so. Not much more I can do. I saw a couple counselors and saw a Psychiatrist I no longer trust, but they all said there wasn't much they could say. I was analyzing everything going on in my head.
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
@FrustratedAndUnderPaid sometimes you need to bounce those ideas off others you trust to give you an objective opinion ..