I would like to know

So what brings you joy? Atleast enough joy or bliss that makes it worth it to see the next day. I feel like I've missed something or maybe I'm too lost in my mind to be ok. I can't find anyone to talk to, no woman to be with, no children yet and it seems like I'll never have one. Also I'm not afraid to die as long as i don't know it's coming. In the end we all know it will happen but like everyone else i wish it would happen suddenly. In other words i don't want to see tomorrow. Let someone turn off my lights and disconnect the power source