It sucks having parents that don't know how to love
Actually one parent is just a selfish POS. The other is trying? After literally a lifetime of me actively trying to foster a good relationship between my mom and I, she still just shows up in my room and starts yelling at me. "I'm not yelling!" okay well then consider your tone and how you phrase things. You sure as hell expect *me* to bend over backwards and look into your mind and see how I need to phrase something so it will be understood as intentioned.
The mental gymnastics she does with anything anyone says or does are a result of being married to my abusive and manipulative father for over 35 years. Thinking about what it must be like to not be able to trust anything anyone says, and to constantly be looking for hidden meanings and worrying about responding correctly, is emotionally devastating. My heart breaks for her.
I have so much empathy for my mom. And I understand her circumstances have always been incredibly difficult. But she is also a big part of why I struggle with my mental health so much. I wish she could see past the abuse she has endured all her life, and see me. I have given so much of myself to her in earnest. I say exactly what I mean in an effort to be clear and it gets twisted to make me sound ungrateful and uncaring. I try so desperately to share what I learn about having healthy relationships and good communication. I try so hard to be the good supportive daughter.
I wonder what her effort is. I think it presents as her biting her tongue when she'd like to tell me how to go about my day, tell me I am the reason for the problems in my life, and that I am going all wrong about fixing them. But she has nothing to offer in terms of support, other than dictating my daily activities. What she brings to our relationship is just holding back on making me feel like shit. Sometimes there is encouragement. But I feel like it's foreign to her. Maybe only because it's a new concept, she didn't grow up with.
I wonder where our relationship would be if I didn't pour so much of myself into making it work. I think it would be a lot like the relationship my sister has with my mom. They are not close. My mom does not reach out to her much. But is hurt when my sister doesn't come over for awhile.
Please seek the courage to be vulnerable and show up for your children.
The mental gymnastics she does with anything anyone says or does are a result of being married to my abusive and manipulative father for over 35 years. Thinking about what it must be like to not be able to trust anything anyone says, and to constantly be looking for hidden meanings and worrying about responding correctly, is emotionally devastating. My heart breaks for her.
I have so much empathy for my mom. And I understand her circumstances have always been incredibly difficult. But she is also a big part of why I struggle with my mental health so much. I wish she could see past the abuse she has endured all her life, and see me. I have given so much of myself to her in earnest. I say exactly what I mean in an effort to be clear and it gets twisted to make me sound ungrateful and uncaring. I try so desperately to share what I learn about having healthy relationships and good communication. I try so hard to be the good supportive daughter.
I wonder what her effort is. I think it presents as her biting her tongue when she'd like to tell me how to go about my day, tell me I am the reason for the problems in my life, and that I am going all wrong about fixing them. But she has nothing to offer in terms of support, other than dictating my daily activities. What she brings to our relationship is just holding back on making me feel like shit. Sometimes there is encouragement. But I feel like it's foreign to her. Maybe only because it's a new concept, she didn't grow up with.
I wonder where our relationship would be if I didn't pour so much of myself into making it work. I think it would be a lot like the relationship my sister has with my mom. They are not close. My mom does not reach out to her much. But is hurt when my sister doesn't come over for awhile.
Please seek the courage to be vulnerable and show up for your children.
26-30
