Thinking About Not Being a Victim
Eventually, when you heal, the victim card needs to be redacted.
As an adult; we choose to hang on to the resentments and bitterness, or we choose to move forward.
There are periods in people's lives when they do not quite understand that, but I would venture to say that is because the healing they need has not taken place, yet.
If you refuse to heal, that is not other people's fault, nor their responsibility to fix it.
I see a lot of emotional damage that occurs because we want to hang on to the people and things that hurt us and assign no accountability to them or ourselves, or we only expect accountability from others and won't take any ourselves.
You cannot hang on to a tiger trying to eat you for very long before it will devour you.
It doesn't help the tiger to hang on to it.
Let them go.
There are different levels of letting go; you do not necessarily have to cancel everyone, but you must think about your own choices.
If you are holding on for years, hoping not to be bitten even though you have been bitten many, many times before, you may need to remove yourself completely from their sphere.
If it is occasional, they snap or get testy about certain areas, don't keep bringing that up, easy solve.
If you cannot live with that, maybe it's time to limit contact somewhat.
No matter how much you think they should change or wish for them, you cannot do that for them.
You accept that, or you live in frustration.
You make a choice, can I do something to make it better or not?
Can I make it better without being demanding or controlling?
If the answer is no to both of these, you need to do some thinking.
Am I being too controlling?
Am I trying to persuade them against their will?
If so, then you are part of the problem, even if you have the greatest of intentions.
Is this person hell-bent on doing whatever they want, however they wish, regardless of you or other people's feelings, and never taking accountability for anything?
You make a choice there to limit contact, go no contact, or keep wishing the tiger wouldn't attack you.
But don't blame people for your own choices; own them.
The consequences or benefits for your own choices are yours alone.
You are never responsible for other people's choices.
Their bad behavior is just that THEIRS, you own no responsibility in that- unless they are a jackass that pushes people to the wall for no reason than their own amusement.
Those are the people you run from and don't look back.
And still, you had to make a choice to not be around them to deny access.
People do things, it hurts us, sometimes it is intentional, and sometimes it isn't.
Their response when you bring up your hurt is your clue to whether they are a tiger trying to destroy you, someone who can only marginally apologize, or someone who really is sorry and regrets hurting you.
I believe the responses can be different for each scenario.
For me, the first one is the one you cut contact with, if possible.
You cannot help them; they do not want to help you nor themselves.
The second, I would limit contact with or refuse to engage on triggering topics, for them and myself.
You should not have to keep telling people what you do not wish to talk about; it should be enough to say I am not ready to have that discussion.
The last person is a treasure to hold on to.
Doesn't mean you'll never butt heads or disagree strongly, but can they apologize if it gets too heated?
Do they feel bad when that happens?
Do you do the same?
Let people be or let them go.
Take responsibility for your own actions.
Think before you act.
And burn that victim card so you can rise like a Phoxiex from the ashes of your pain.
As an adult; we choose to hang on to the resentments and bitterness, or we choose to move forward.
There are periods in people's lives when they do not quite understand that, but I would venture to say that is because the healing they need has not taken place, yet.
If you refuse to heal, that is not other people's fault, nor their responsibility to fix it.
I see a lot of emotional damage that occurs because we want to hang on to the people and things that hurt us and assign no accountability to them or ourselves, or we only expect accountability from others and won't take any ourselves.
You cannot hang on to a tiger trying to eat you for very long before it will devour you.
It doesn't help the tiger to hang on to it.
Let them go.
There are different levels of letting go; you do not necessarily have to cancel everyone, but you must think about your own choices.
If you are holding on for years, hoping not to be bitten even though you have been bitten many, many times before, you may need to remove yourself completely from their sphere.
If it is occasional, they snap or get testy about certain areas, don't keep bringing that up, easy solve.
If you cannot live with that, maybe it's time to limit contact somewhat.
No matter how much you think they should change or wish for them, you cannot do that for them.
You accept that, or you live in frustration.
You make a choice, can I do something to make it better or not?
Can I make it better without being demanding or controlling?
If the answer is no to both of these, you need to do some thinking.
Am I being too controlling?
Am I trying to persuade them against their will?
If so, then you are part of the problem, even if you have the greatest of intentions.
Is this person hell-bent on doing whatever they want, however they wish, regardless of you or other people's feelings, and never taking accountability for anything?
You make a choice there to limit contact, go no contact, or keep wishing the tiger wouldn't attack you.
But don't blame people for your own choices; own them.
The consequences or benefits for your own choices are yours alone.
You are never responsible for other people's choices.
Their bad behavior is just that THEIRS, you own no responsibility in that- unless they are a jackass that pushes people to the wall for no reason than their own amusement.
Those are the people you run from and don't look back.
And still, you had to make a choice to not be around them to deny access.
People do things, it hurts us, sometimes it is intentional, and sometimes it isn't.
Their response when you bring up your hurt is your clue to whether they are a tiger trying to destroy you, someone who can only marginally apologize, or someone who really is sorry and regrets hurting you.
I believe the responses can be different for each scenario.
For me, the first one is the one you cut contact with, if possible.
You cannot help them; they do not want to help you nor themselves.
The second, I would limit contact with or refuse to engage on triggering topics, for them and myself.
You should not have to keep telling people what you do not wish to talk about; it should be enough to say I am not ready to have that discussion.
The last person is a treasure to hold on to.
Doesn't mean you'll never butt heads or disagree strongly, but can they apologize if it gets too heated?
Do they feel bad when that happens?
Do you do the same?
Let people be or let them go.
Take responsibility for your own actions.
Think before you act.
And burn that victim card so you can rise like a Phoxiex from the ashes of your pain.
56-60, F
