Love life is SO confusing

I was with a guy for 8 years. We lived together for most of this time. I really loved him and he was my comfort person. However, he did things that annoyed me such as not taking me on dates, sometimes ditching our plans to spend time with his family who always had been a bad influence on him, would always tell me that there’s so many beautiful girls out there and he wants them all not just me he wants us all at the same time. We broke up eventually because he was flirting with other girls online and he wasn’t satisfied with me. Then he started dating other people and came back to tell me he doesn’t like the other girls out there as much as he likes me and I’m better than them so we should get back together. Then he says he doesn’t know if he wants to commit to me. He seems so confused. I have since met a guy who I don’t know too well and I’ve went on a couple of dates with him and he is really nice and kind to me, tells me I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, tells me he’s a one girl kinda man, takes me on dates, and just does everything that my ex didn’t do. However my heart is still with my ex even though I know he hurts me emotionally with what he does. This new guy is amazing but when I hold his hand it just doesn’t fit into my hand the way my exes would and my heart isn’t with this new guy yet even though I enjoy my time with him. I’m feeling just as lost and confused as my ex. I was with him since I was a teenager. Like when I cuddle with my ex it just feels so comforting and right. Whereas when I hug this new guy something doesn’t feel the same. Maybe cause it’s still new I don’t know. I’m feeling lost and don’t wanna lead the new guy on but I do like the new guy, but I wish my ex could just be who he was when I met him he’s changed over the years and has narcissistic traits that I don’t like. I just wish I had someone to talk to and vent and get advice on what direction I go in from here. Like I’m sad when I’m not with my ex and I feel lonley and depressed. But the new guy is good company too but I just don’t feel anything for him yet and I’ve been going on dates with him for a few months. My ex and I broke up in December. But then I feel like I can’t be with my ex cause I don’t feel special to him I feel replaceable.

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twiigss · M

You're still holding on to your ex. So you've been with him since being a teenager. 8 years is a long time. I was with my gf for 4 years and it took me a good long while to actually get over it. It sounds like being with the new guy, with everything being new for you there may not be a connection yet, or at all.

However you deal with stuff, such as getting past things is what will ultimately work, and we each have our own ways of doing that. Now also you have a choice. Do you hold on to what you and your ex had, or do you try to make things work with the new guy? To me it sounds like you'd rather be with your ex, but it sounds like that could be a bad idea. Also from what you mentioned about your ex saying, "there’s so many beautiful girls out there and he wants them all not just me he wants us all at the same time" and with him flirting with other girls that he wasn't satisfied with just you, he's that type that is happy he has 7 or 8 girls he can be friends with and then just go to whomever, whenever, not thinking or caring about how hurt each girl is going to be. You also said "when you cuddle with your ex it feels so comforting and right" That's because you are comfortable with your ex, and you've been together for 8 years. Give it time, it'll start to feel comfortable being with the new guy, but you will have to work at moving away from those emotions with your ex. It won't happen overnight, and it'll take time for that too.

I worked with a guy like this. He kept telling me he "wanted to keep his options open" so he had like 7 girls he could call on when he needed to. Doesn't sound right to me. It should be one man and one woman in a relationship. And both people have to work at that relationship everyday.

But what direction you go from here, is up to you. Personally I would say, stick with the new guy and see how things work out. It sounds like he genuinely cares about you from what you've described about him. So stick with it and see. You've got nothing to lose. I'm the kind of guy who would always open a door for a woman, and anytime we go out, I always pay the bill. Now, just being me I wouldn't go on about other women. That doesn't make sense. If I got a woman I am focused on and I care about, I'm not going to care about other women.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

Me reading
[quote]but I wish my ex could just be who he was when I met him
[/quote]

While also reading

[quote]would always tell me that there’s so many beautiful girls out there and he wants them all not just me he wants us all at the same time. We broke up eventually because he was flirting with other girls online and he wasn’t satisfied with me. Then he started dating other people [/quote]

He hasn't become narcissistic. He has just acted another guy than he is and after a few years he stopped hiding his true dark nature.

You're familiar with your ex, 8 years is
a long time, but what's familiar isn't necessarily what's right or what's making us happy.

Give the new guy an honest chance. Don't compare him to your past, be open and curious about him and new ways to be together.

Bleak · 36-40, F

At times arrange marriages work so perfectly.

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