I Am Confused About My Feelings

Sometimes I feel that I miss him, and sometimes I feel sad because there's no name for this feeling, I just feel it in a way that makes me tired to my very bones.

Feelings never do make sense. They get me all so confused, then they drive me around for hours before they drive me right back where I started. What are we? I don't understand our relationship. Sometimes we're close, sometimes it seems we have a future together, and sometimes I'm just a stranger to him. One day he's talking to me as if I'm something special, and the next day it feels as if I mean nothing to him. Some days he pays so much attention to me, and other days I'm almost completely ignored by him. I just wish he would start making sense because I'm confused. I don't know what he wants.

You know what I'm afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether everything's really worth it for that one person. I can't follow my heart when it is more confused than my head. Uncertainty is the most stressful feeling.

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sometimeslonelytoo · 51-55, M

I think men can come across as confusing to women when we seem to view relationships very differently from them. From my own experience, and my observations of my many male friends, we tend to treat our relationships as one aspect of our lives, and task-switch, almost, to use computer terms, between having our focus on our relationship and on other matters. When our focus is not on our relationship, it doesn't mean it isn't significant to us any more, though it might feel like it to our lady.

He sounds serious to me. And if you want to commit to a relationship seriously, that is a good sign. I'm sure you'll find many a Romeo who lacks the stuff that's needed from an actual husband. I think going slowly is a good step.

I think relating to another, closely, will always involve some uncertainty, because everyone's different. So hopefully you have a relationship which is truthful and cordial, and in which communication is open and welcome.

Hope things work out for you two in time.

Madeleine · 41-45, F

@sometimeslonelytoo Thank you very much. Your comment was very helpful.. I needed to find some guidance. I'm not in a rush as much as I need some clarity and more communication.

sometimeslonelytoo · 51-55, M

@Madeleine If you relate mostly with women, you might interpret our (men's) relative taciturnity incorrectly. I think we're generally more "doing" folk than talking folk. Also, it's a cliché, but it's probably true that men tend to not be so "in-touch with their feelings" so sometimes you might get a confusing response from them when you ask about their feelings, because they don't really know. Sounds stupid, but really, keep your mind open to that possibility, please. I am talking from experience - and wished that I had had a better understanding of my own feelings in the past. Could really have saved me a lot of frustration and problems, but we live and learn.

Madeleine · 41-45, F

@sometimeslonelytoo It seems that this is really the case. He actually told me that he understands my confusion and apologized for it.

sometimeslonelytoo · 51-55, M

@Madeleine I am heartened to hear this. From the little you've mentioned of his attitude, I say once more, he does sound serious and I hope things continue to proceed well for you both ☺