I Am Confused About My Feelings

so I'm extremely confused about something. warning prepare for a long story. so I've been with my man for 4 years. we got together very quickly after I broke up with my ex which was a mistake I know now. I believed he was great and kind and everything I needed at the time. ..however I came to realize very quickly that was not the case.he became abusive in every way bc he hated me having guy friends. at the time (even now)I felt that having a guy friend is fine. but he didn't agree and became very abusive after the 2 month we were together. he put a gun to my head, knife to my throat, punched me, kicked me, choked me,called me everything bad name imaginable, belittled me every way, threw things at me you name it. no I didn't leave which I should have but that's besides the point. at the same time he was kind, loving and took care of me. so I put up with it all this time but I knew I wasnt happy bc I can't be myself with him. I have to hide, pretend or lie about things so he won't go off. I have become slightly numb dealing with all this and resorted to regularly cutting to deal with the pain and fear. recently my ex had contacted me. we were together for 6 years before my current guy and reason for ending it at the time was bc he couldn't hold down a job and other things that just relate to being young and stupid. anyway, we started talking and told him everything that has happened. if course he wants to kill my current but also he has made me feel alive again. he was the only one to be able to see through any mask I put on to hide my feelings. he knows me better than anyone still to this day. I can be open with him no matter what. he has said he wants me back and had proven he has grown up. I'm falling for him again without knowing it. I love how he makes me feel. I laugh more with him then anyone and just feel safe and normal when I talk to him. my confusion is that for some reason I so have attachment to my current even with everything he did. but now that my ex has helped me wake up to what my current is doing I want to get out. but idk how. what do you think I should do? stay and try to work out my current or get out? I'm so lost. ....Ty for reading apologize for this being so long