Wednesday Thoughts
I have been thinking about apologies, forgiveness, and grace. Sometimes it can be very hard to know the motive behind an apology. Are they saying sorry because they care that they messed up and upset me? Are they saying sorry because they don't want to deal with the discomfort of my emotions and just want to feel better? Are they saying sorry so we will just move on to something new?
Of course, we all make mistakes, and everyone should give grace from time to time since we all need a bit of grace. Also, I think forgiveness is more for me than the other person too, because I surely don't deserve to hold onto hurt emotions.
The thing is, though, that there are degrees of hurt and patterns of behavior. Sometimes it is really easy to see when we have to leave someone out of our life because the hurt was obvious, big, and deliberate. Other times, it's like a bunch of little microtransactions of unchanged behavior. Sometimes those little microtransactions are very small, and it's like, okay, do I take the good with the bad or not?
There is a lot this kind of stuff depends on, and it isn't always easy to know when to let them back in or if we should accept some irritating behaviors or not. I guess I feel that if they really cared about the relationship, maybe they would have done more to understand my feelings or fix things.
Maybe I was just someone who made them feel good for a time, and it isn't worth cultivating the relationship. Maybe they feel they did nothing wrong and have no reason to look at my perspective or feelings, and how dare I cause this drama.
It weighs on me, and from my perspective, it doesn't weigh on them. Anyway, these are just some thoughts I have had about some events in my life this year.
Of course, we all make mistakes, and everyone should give grace from time to time since we all need a bit of grace. Also, I think forgiveness is more for me than the other person too, because I surely don't deserve to hold onto hurt emotions.
The thing is, though, that there are degrees of hurt and patterns of behavior. Sometimes it is really easy to see when we have to leave someone out of our life because the hurt was obvious, big, and deliberate. Other times, it's like a bunch of little microtransactions of unchanged behavior. Sometimes those little microtransactions are very small, and it's like, okay, do I take the good with the bad or not?
There is a lot this kind of stuff depends on, and it isn't always easy to know when to let them back in or if we should accept some irritating behaviors or not. I guess I feel that if they really cared about the relationship, maybe they would have done more to understand my feelings or fix things.
Maybe I was just someone who made them feel good for a time, and it isn't worth cultivating the relationship. Maybe they feel they did nothing wrong and have no reason to look at my perspective or feelings, and how dare I cause this drama.
It weighs on me, and from my perspective, it doesn't weigh on them. Anyway, these are just some thoughts I have had about some events in my life this year.
