The discoverer
To begin the journey of discovery is a ballsy move, it's like climbing Everest, it may seem easy that you can be an armchair discoverer, but the strain will be roughly equivalent in terms conducive to the efforts taken.
I will never understand how people can form fully developed opinions about anything, when I attempt to fathom that, I am immediately hit with an insurmountable obstacle.
Discovery to me is not something that can be done on your own, I need as much help as possible, and from all sorts, from those who are experts, to those who are regular kinds. I am neither of these, I am a train wreck, I see the travesty of how things lay out in the immediate, there's misunderstandings happening in each person many times per nanosecond.
Well maybe i'm being overly melodramatic, but i'm trying to convey here that coming across data of any kind needs to be processed and fit together with everything else, and for me nothing is easily put together.
I'm donning the metaphysical erroneousness of heredity. It's inescapable seemingly. Only the act of vehemently reading and being super zealous about what is being read acts as a disinfectant to this hereditarial disease.
I cannot put it into words very well, but I feel the need to keep trying, as hopeless as it is, when one has already begun, the small is projected into the cosmic, the untapped Potentiality may have a spark, grand connections may be made, that are a part of the flesh itself, and not only head knowledge. Then and only then would I be speaking as one who knows a thing or two.
I feel I'm on the right track, Gaddis is phenomenal, I have more resources now than i've accounted for in my posts. it's a dazzling performance Gaddis does, a swirling panoramic breakdown of western civilization, helping me see things all together, all the pieces there, figuratively, and the fun, yes I say it is the greatest fun I can possibly have that's legal is playing with the pieces, just that is liberating, and it's like the knowledge that puffeth up that the Apostle Paul warned against, but it's something different, it's handling the materials that have come down, through a genius vessel, prepared and assembled for the willing reader to play with, to experiment with, that for me is the immediate thrill of it all, and which would make it all worthwhile even if I don't get any bit more smarter or wise.
Being smart or wise is living smart or wise, that is not what I'm doing, it is all theoretical toil, all between my ears, and pushed forth as in labour into words here, grading myself so far I give myself a resounding F. And I want it to stay an F until i'm ready, till the cosmic connections start happening, not through any self ingenuity, but through a cumulative end result of much toil, playing and fun.
I will never understand how people can form fully developed opinions about anything, when I attempt to fathom that, I am immediately hit with an insurmountable obstacle.
Discovery to me is not something that can be done on your own, I need as much help as possible, and from all sorts, from those who are experts, to those who are regular kinds. I am neither of these, I am a train wreck, I see the travesty of how things lay out in the immediate, there's misunderstandings happening in each person many times per nanosecond.
Well maybe i'm being overly melodramatic, but i'm trying to convey here that coming across data of any kind needs to be processed and fit together with everything else, and for me nothing is easily put together.
I'm donning the metaphysical erroneousness of heredity. It's inescapable seemingly. Only the act of vehemently reading and being super zealous about what is being read acts as a disinfectant to this hereditarial disease.
I cannot put it into words very well, but I feel the need to keep trying, as hopeless as it is, when one has already begun, the small is projected into the cosmic, the untapped Potentiality may have a spark, grand connections may be made, that are a part of the flesh itself, and not only head knowledge. Then and only then would I be speaking as one who knows a thing or two.
I feel I'm on the right track, Gaddis is phenomenal, I have more resources now than i've accounted for in my posts. it's a dazzling performance Gaddis does, a swirling panoramic breakdown of western civilization, helping me see things all together, all the pieces there, figuratively, and the fun, yes I say it is the greatest fun I can possibly have that's legal is playing with the pieces, just that is liberating, and it's like the knowledge that puffeth up that the Apostle Paul warned against, but it's something different, it's handling the materials that have come down, through a genius vessel, prepared and assembled for the willing reader to play with, to experiment with, that for me is the immediate thrill of it all, and which would make it all worthwhile even if I don't get any bit more smarter or wise.
Being smart or wise is living smart or wise, that is not what I'm doing, it is all theoretical toil, all between my ears, and pushed forth as in labour into words here, grading myself so far I give myself a resounding F. And I want it to stay an F until i'm ready, till the cosmic connections start happening, not through any self ingenuity, but through a cumulative end result of much toil, playing and fun.
46-50, M
