Recentest accounts [12/08/2024 01.05am UK GMT time to be specific] enjoy
Serious [RANTS i guess]
Today when I was in B&M in Whitley Bay I think three kids walked past me. It pisses me off how all the good cereal like frosties and multigrain boulders and lion is always considerably more expensive than the shitty generic cereal like fucking corn flakes and rice crispies. I have to get the £2 or less cereal from Lidl. The boy said "£4 for a box of cereal. How cheap?". I felt so insecure and jealous, I feel like everyone (especially my age) is wittier than I am.
Guy with Felonious Morbius hair, very baggy green T-shirt, oversized camouflage shorts and curvy black trainers with black socks got on the metro at Whitley Bay. Instead of sitting on one of the chairs or leaning on the cushions he leaned on the thing adjacent to the door. When he got off at Shiremoor he opened the door with his elbow instead of his fingers. Like ik he didn't look as perfect as that Swalwell guy I mentioned in a previous post, like he had weird funny ugly shoulder length wavy brown hair with a middle parting and it completely exposed his forehead, and the unsightly shit on his fucking feet made me want to kill myself, he was tough and muscular and mesomorphic and also olive-skinned when I would rather be skinny and pale and of north european descent (ik that's racist. Anyway i think i already meet those three criteria skinny pale and north european now thats something to be proud of), but he was wearing really baggy military cargo shorts which I want to have. I ain't that shallow. I don't envy people based off physical appearance alone, it's also intelligence, I can admire certain people for their intelligence/personality even if they're short fat ugly shit taste in fashion shit taste in furniture shit taste in music. Like even if someone is wearing weird funny ugly clothes, or their hair looks that way, I still get jealous of them if they think outside of the box and do provocative things. I'm not like that I'm so narrow-minded and I hate it.
Everyone is way better at lateral thinking than I am. Maybe I am capable of being witty but it takes effort and I can only do it in certain circumstances/environments. Other people can come up with the most out-there crap to say within less than a second (not just on Reddit, IRL, like the chavs on the bus for example especially) because they're like way way way way way way ahead of me intellectually.
Them insufferable high IQ people on Discord that claimed IQ 117 (my result when I done an IQ test at age 15, which I don't believe because my 15 year old self was extremely cringe. Now everyone on reddit, or the entire fucking internet for that matter, is going to scream at me and treat me like the stupidest human ever because I mentioned IQ) and then these people responded claiming that IQ 117 is below average and that 130 or smth is normal. And there was a poem claiming that everyone is retarded like everyone literally and that humans are descended from extraterrestrials. My brother thinks they are psuedo intellectual posers but the moment that actually happened to me on Discord i felt a pang of envy and insecurity, I wish I had that kind of humour. Them Discord people remind me of all these cool boys i see fucking everywhere. They're clearly way smarter than me because they speak exactly like them Discord people and they never ever fucking ever take me seriously even if they're neurodivergent.
There's way too many documented incidents on notes of being jealous of strangers because of their creativity through whatever means it could be what they say how they dress literally anything they do. Can't be assed to elaborate on all of em, you get the jist.
Funny [just scenarios I invented that I personally find hilarious idk what you think]
Some kind of bar/casino/brothel called "Hookers". All of the women have artifical tan, make-up, and revealing clothes with big tits.
Moomins all squashed together in a white audi high top speed fast dubstep in background zooming in and out.
This is what I assume many Tumblr / DeviantArt / Archive of our own / r/Moomins freaks believe about certain characters: Snufkin is transgender autistic gay (attracted to males, Moomintroll in particular) and from southern england all four of em at the same time; Little My is a chav that vapes all the time; and Sniff drives a lime green and purple curvy late 2000s Honda Civic type S and acts annoyingly smug and superior about it.
Roy Higgins gets on BusNumber 2.
Swalwell lesbian butch lady, short ugly brown hair curvy black tank top short shorts tiny curvy Nike trainers, has her "Winnies" following her everywhere she goes like Peppa Pig plushies Patrick Star plushies Among Us plushies Jellycat truffles sheeps or actual living baby farm animals.
Imagine getting on metro and all of a sudden Felonious Morbius gets on and sits sternly with arms crossed and stares right at you for no reason meanwhile Cody Archie Marcus and 2000s stoner are stood up while talking about MOVIES simultaneously whinging about hot heat.
"Late 00z teenz urbz. That was NOT 2008. It was 2019 in fact"
Dad lectures you as he waits for his number 78 hot pink double-decker arriva bus to Middlesbrough (from Felling) and even as he gets on the bus he twists his head and stares at you and talks to you and then he sits on the ugly curvy seats at the front. He is wearing a cruvy tank top, tight black cycling leggings, flip flops, Nike rucksack, and wraparound sunglasses on the back of his head.
Thom Yorke VIP Super Slug Party
Misc [serious but maybe also funny. Or just neutral idk]
Now I've realized how vital it is I upgrade my hair to a jewfro and potentially dye it brown or maybe ginger. Better than this weird wavy girly blonde bob. But thing is it is so weird trying hard to have masculine hair and masculine clothes while having a feminine face, feminine voice, feminine stature. It is also weird to have feminine hair while identifying as male. Nah maybe don't do it because a transgender male with hair like that would look so fucking weird. I contemplate dying my hair dark brown or smth and having it as wavy as possible I kind of want to have Oliver Sykes hair but I worry I'll end up looking like fucking Robert Maudsley oh god no please no. Or maybe I should keep the style the same but dye it blue or orange or green or grey that would look cool, like imagine blue mop hair with grey clip on headdies and like a T-shirt with grey thermals underneath and baggy asf cargo shorts and chunky shoes like that could not get better that is fucking flawless but only if I'm underweight obv.
I was walking around the housing estates at night stoned, trying to listen to my music. But I was cringing at the songs I recently put on there. Vengaboys, Sugababes, and Y2K era underground hip hop I mean like Eminem and Wu-Tang Clan idk if that even counts. What the actual fuck? I've got shit taste. Shittier than I think. So stupid and ugly and cringey and basic. (if you ever see me in person and watch me get high for whatever reason in any context don't be surprised if I start talking about how worthless I think I am and how awful like everything about myself is) I do like Sonic Youth, Slint, Pavement and Grimes but I need to have the right frame of mind and I end up preferring fast songs esp if bored.
I weigh 105 lbs rn (my height is 5 feet 7 inches BMI 16.4) I feel kind of happy I feel like I have to be as skinny as possible to compensate for my gender dysphoria and crippling insecurity about literally everything about me especially intelligence.
Holland and Barrett told me to check the website. I did some time tonight, but the only job in NE england i could find was in Durham, according to google maps it would take me fucking 7 hours to get public transport to Edinburgh, and I had to have experience. I checked metrocentre website and most of them were shitty and embarrassing, like Costa and fucking River Island god forbid i work in shitholes like that but there was Build a bear and there was this ice cream frozen yoghurt thing I forgot the name of they obviously look way better so I emailed thoses. Then I went onto the boots website, ik thats a dumb decision considering a druggy job would require a degree which I do not possess, I would strongly prefer a drug job at Boots than a fucking make-up job at Boots. I've vaguely thought about this for a long time and when I was 12 I really wanted to be a model but I was too fat and ugly at the time, I went onto a modelling website but its asking me for images of myself like four of em its gonna be a pain in the ass doing that with my laptop (my iphones ran out of storage) I wish I had a 2000s camera but i cant afford a one. But hopefully if i somehow manage to do that I will actually get a fucking job, a one that isnt embarrassing I don't want to work in a lingerie shop I don't want to work in a gambling place I don't want to work in some ugly trashy "black industrial and red brick" bar in the city I don't want to work at Suit Direct I don't want to work in Savers I want a cool job like nightshift warehouse of any role, mechanic, paramedic, psychologist, mathematician, or in the military. Or at a nice shop like Holland and Barrett or Herons. (sorry if i overshared about my urge to be employed)
When I write my thoughts, and overshare cuz of TRAUMA (it actually happened I am not faking it for clout) to other websites everyone hates me. Everyone types me as the ugliest personality type possible, like ESFJ 2w1 296 sx/so SEE RLUEN EFVL sanguine-choleric or smth with comments like "You worthless filthy piece of shit worst human ever go kill yourself and rot in hell" and I get people telling me "You think you're special but you're not, you're just like everyone else".
Today when I was in B&M in Whitley Bay I think three kids walked past me. It pisses me off how all the good cereal like frosties and multigrain boulders and lion is always considerably more expensive than the shitty generic cereal like fucking corn flakes and rice crispies. I have to get the £2 or less cereal from Lidl. The boy said "£4 for a box of cereal. How cheap?". I felt so insecure and jealous, I feel like everyone (especially my age) is wittier than I am.
Guy with Felonious Morbius hair, very baggy green T-shirt, oversized camouflage shorts and curvy black trainers with black socks got on the metro at Whitley Bay. Instead of sitting on one of the chairs or leaning on the cushions he leaned on the thing adjacent to the door. When he got off at Shiremoor he opened the door with his elbow instead of his fingers. Like ik he didn't look as perfect as that Swalwell guy I mentioned in a previous post, like he had weird funny ugly shoulder length wavy brown hair with a middle parting and it completely exposed his forehead, and the unsightly shit on his fucking feet made me want to kill myself, he was tough and muscular and mesomorphic and also olive-skinned when I would rather be skinny and pale and of north european descent (ik that's racist. Anyway i think i already meet those three criteria skinny pale and north european now thats something to be proud of), but he was wearing really baggy military cargo shorts which I want to have. I ain't that shallow. I don't envy people based off physical appearance alone, it's also intelligence, I can admire certain people for their intelligence/personality even if they're short fat ugly shit taste in fashion shit taste in furniture shit taste in music. Like even if someone is wearing weird funny ugly clothes, or their hair looks that way, I still get jealous of them if they think outside of the box and do provocative things. I'm not like that I'm so narrow-minded and I hate it.
Everyone is way better at lateral thinking than I am. Maybe I am capable of being witty but it takes effort and I can only do it in certain circumstances/environments. Other people can come up with the most out-there crap to say within less than a second (not just on Reddit, IRL, like the chavs on the bus for example especially) because they're like way way way way way way ahead of me intellectually.
Them insufferable high IQ people on Discord that claimed IQ 117 (my result when I done an IQ test at age 15, which I don't believe because my 15 year old self was extremely cringe. Now everyone on reddit, or the entire fucking internet for that matter, is going to scream at me and treat me like the stupidest human ever because I mentioned IQ) and then these people responded claiming that IQ 117 is below average and that 130 or smth is normal. And there was a poem claiming that everyone is retarded like everyone literally and that humans are descended from extraterrestrials. My brother thinks they are psuedo intellectual posers but the moment that actually happened to me on Discord i felt a pang of envy and insecurity, I wish I had that kind of humour. Them Discord people remind me of all these cool boys i see fucking everywhere. They're clearly way smarter than me because they speak exactly like them Discord people and they never ever fucking ever take me seriously even if they're neurodivergent.
There's way too many documented incidents on notes of being jealous of strangers because of their creativity through whatever means it could be what they say how they dress literally anything they do. Can't be assed to elaborate on all of em, you get the jist.
Funny [just scenarios I invented that I personally find hilarious idk what you think]
Some kind of bar/casino/brothel called "Hookers". All of the women have artifical tan, make-up, and revealing clothes with big tits.
Moomins all squashed together in a white audi high top speed fast dubstep in background zooming in and out.
This is what I assume many Tumblr / DeviantArt / Archive of our own / r/Moomins freaks believe about certain characters: Snufkin is transgender autistic gay (attracted to males, Moomintroll in particular) and from southern england all four of em at the same time; Little My is a chav that vapes all the time; and Sniff drives a lime green and purple curvy late 2000s Honda Civic type S and acts annoyingly smug and superior about it.
Roy Higgins gets on BusNumber 2.
Swalwell lesbian butch lady, short ugly brown hair curvy black tank top short shorts tiny curvy Nike trainers, has her "Winnies" following her everywhere she goes like Peppa Pig plushies Patrick Star plushies Among Us plushies Jellycat truffles sheeps or actual living baby farm animals.
Imagine getting on metro and all of a sudden Felonious Morbius gets on and sits sternly with arms crossed and stares right at you for no reason meanwhile Cody Archie Marcus and 2000s stoner are stood up while talking about MOVIES simultaneously whinging about hot heat.
"Late 00z teenz urbz. That was NOT 2008. It was 2019 in fact"
Dad lectures you as he waits for his number 78 hot pink double-decker arriva bus to Middlesbrough (from Felling) and even as he gets on the bus he twists his head and stares at you and talks to you and then he sits on the ugly curvy seats at the front. He is wearing a cruvy tank top, tight black cycling leggings, flip flops, Nike rucksack, and wraparound sunglasses on the back of his head.
Thom Yorke VIP Super Slug Party
Misc [serious but maybe also funny. Or just neutral idk]
Now I've realized how vital it is I upgrade my hair to a jewfro and potentially dye it brown or maybe ginger. Better than this weird wavy girly blonde bob. But thing is it is so weird trying hard to have masculine hair and masculine clothes while having a feminine face, feminine voice, feminine stature. It is also weird to have feminine hair while identifying as male. Nah maybe don't do it because a transgender male with hair like that would look so fucking weird. I contemplate dying my hair dark brown or smth and having it as wavy as possible I kind of want to have Oliver Sykes hair but I worry I'll end up looking like fucking Robert Maudsley oh god no please no. Or maybe I should keep the style the same but dye it blue or orange or green or grey that would look cool, like imagine blue mop hair with grey clip on headdies and like a T-shirt with grey thermals underneath and baggy asf cargo shorts and chunky shoes like that could not get better that is fucking flawless but only if I'm underweight obv.
I was walking around the housing estates at night stoned, trying to listen to my music. But I was cringing at the songs I recently put on there. Vengaboys, Sugababes, and Y2K era underground hip hop I mean like Eminem and Wu-Tang Clan idk if that even counts. What the actual fuck? I've got shit taste. Shittier than I think. So stupid and ugly and cringey and basic. (if you ever see me in person and watch me get high for whatever reason in any context don't be surprised if I start talking about how worthless I think I am and how awful like everything about myself is) I do like Sonic Youth, Slint, Pavement and Grimes but I need to have the right frame of mind and I end up preferring fast songs esp if bored.
I weigh 105 lbs rn (my height is 5 feet 7 inches BMI 16.4) I feel kind of happy I feel like I have to be as skinny as possible to compensate for my gender dysphoria and crippling insecurity about literally everything about me especially intelligence.
Holland and Barrett told me to check the website. I did some time tonight, but the only job in NE england i could find was in Durham, according to google maps it would take me fucking 7 hours to get public transport to Edinburgh, and I had to have experience. I checked metrocentre website and most of them were shitty and embarrassing, like Costa and fucking River Island god forbid i work in shitholes like that but there was Build a bear and there was this ice cream frozen yoghurt thing I forgot the name of they obviously look way better so I emailed thoses. Then I went onto the boots website, ik thats a dumb decision considering a druggy job would require a degree which I do not possess, I would strongly prefer a drug job at Boots than a fucking make-up job at Boots. I've vaguely thought about this for a long time and when I was 12 I really wanted to be a model but I was too fat and ugly at the time, I went onto a modelling website but its asking me for images of myself like four of em its gonna be a pain in the ass doing that with my laptop (my iphones ran out of storage) I wish I had a 2000s camera but i cant afford a one. But hopefully if i somehow manage to do that I will actually get a fucking job, a one that isnt embarrassing I don't want to work in a lingerie shop I don't want to work in a gambling place I don't want to work in some ugly trashy "black industrial and red brick" bar in the city I don't want to work at Suit Direct I don't want to work in Savers I want a cool job like nightshift warehouse of any role, mechanic, paramedic, psychologist, mathematician, or in the military. Or at a nice shop like Holland and Barrett or Herons. (sorry if i overshared about my urge to be employed)
When I write my thoughts, and overshare cuz of TRAUMA (it actually happened I am not faking it for clout) to other websites everyone hates me. Everyone types me as the ugliest personality type possible, like ESFJ 2w1 296 sx/so SEE RLUEN EFVL sanguine-choleric or smth with comments like "You worthless filthy piece of shit worst human ever go kill yourself and rot in hell" and I get people telling me "You think you're special but you're not, you're just like everyone else".
18-21, M