Breakdown Session 2

Our graduation is on Saturday. I'm not sure if what I am supposed to feel. Should I be happy or what? We had a family dinner today, and my most hated part of it, as always, is them asking about grades and ranking in school. I am third in class, so I can neither be valedictorian or salutatorian, and that must have disappointed them. You see, a relative of mine, the same age as me was a valedictorian in her school, and they expected me to be the same. But I couldn't. And I hate myself because of it. I, again, disappointed them. But, didn't I did quite a good job? I was ranked third. It's still high, right? I feel so guilty for my friends who ranked 1st and 2nd. I was supposed to be happy for them, yet, here I am, wishing everything was a dream, and when I wake up, I was ranked 1st. I'm trying to take away what was theirs, ain't I a bad friend?