Some potato thoughts
Today, I was on my way to a cafe in a mall located next to my old house. I love sitting in that cafe.. It fills me with a mix of feelings. But on my way, I passed by a Starbucks that I used to go to during a period of time, when I was studying for my IELTS and studying for my other exam.. I also used to go to early 2021, which was one of the most difficult and stressful years of my life... Sometimes when I look back at 2021, I feel like my stress levels in relation to my immigration reached their prime, because everything was going to go crashing down in 2022 with my mother's death...
About any cafe reminds me of my mother.. I guess it is because I often went to these cafes to finish stuff related to my immigration, and I was thinking about her through the process.. Also because I often drowned in my thoughts there about her... This cafe particularly, I visited on the day she passed away, after her burial.
I went back to the house, but I couldn't stay for long there.. My room felt depressing as hell, and her stuff were allover the place... I also wanted to keep looking for apartments because I felt like I was literally trapped there..
I walked to that part of town, because it is where I used to live before when my life was more peaceful and kinder... I wanted to live there again in the hope that I would feel some peace.. It is why I often went to that Starbucks, because I liked being in that area... and I found myself going in , and had Turkish coffee. I know it is such a weird thing to do, after you returned from the burial of a loved close one.. But I am more like an addict, and I hadn't had any that day.. I was tired, depressed, feeling down, and weak.. and had no one around..... I needed it, and after I had it, I went out and saw many apartments... But I was walking aimlessly the entire time, not even keeping track of the good ones I saw.. Sometimes I feel it is a miracle that I found a good apartment very quickly.
I haven't thought about my mother much recently, and I think it is because I had company recently most of the day, which is so unusual for me. I spent most of my days alone... So ever since I have been back from my trip, I started thinking again..
I am happy I went into that Starbucks again.. It was a good call.. I also happened to find one of the baristas that work in my regular Starbucks transferred here.. I was so pleased to see him lol Made me feel more familiar.. Especially that I stopped going to that cafe for many reasons.
About any cafe reminds me of my mother.. I guess it is because I often went to these cafes to finish stuff related to my immigration, and I was thinking about her through the process.. Also because I often drowned in my thoughts there about her... This cafe particularly, I visited on the day she passed away, after her burial.
I went back to the house, but I couldn't stay for long there.. My room felt depressing as hell, and her stuff were allover the place... I also wanted to keep looking for apartments because I felt like I was literally trapped there..
I walked to that part of town, because it is where I used to live before when my life was more peaceful and kinder... I wanted to live there again in the hope that I would feel some peace.. It is why I often went to that Starbucks, because I liked being in that area... and I found myself going in , and had Turkish coffee. I know it is such a weird thing to do, after you returned from the burial of a loved close one.. But I am more like an addict, and I hadn't had any that day.. I was tired, depressed, feeling down, and weak.. and had no one around..... I needed it, and after I had it, I went out and saw many apartments... But I was walking aimlessly the entire time, not even keeping track of the good ones I saw.. Sometimes I feel it is a miracle that I found a good apartment very quickly.
I haven't thought about my mother much recently, and I think it is because I had company recently most of the day, which is so unusual for me. I spent most of my days alone... So ever since I have been back from my trip, I started thinking again..
I am happy I went into that Starbucks again.. It was a good call.. I also happened to find one of the baristas that work in my regular Starbucks transferred here.. I was so pleased to see him lol Made me feel more familiar.. Especially that I stopped going to that cafe for many reasons.
31-35, F
