I only just learnt how to love

I grew up in an dysfunctional home and it was really toxic and when I turned about 11 it got violent , my first traumatic experince was when I was 2 , I dont want to talk about those as they still hurt me to this day but ive learnt to forgive my parents and all the men involved who traumatised me , my parents because they only did what they knew at the time , they did their best even though it was really bad and messed me up mentally their parents didnt do an good job either so it was hard for them to know how to love me , I only forgive the men involved not because I want to but so they no longer hold any power over my happiness , but for years I couldnt love anyone truly , I always picked the ones who I knew would badly hurt me as That was all I knew , I felt like it was normal and I deserved it , With my friends I hurt them a lot also I had really bad friends who hurt me a lot too , when I got sexaully assulted last year , It was from an friend but I always accepted it for months untill an friend told me it wasnt normal. An year later Im in my first healthy stable relationship and I have good friends too , It felt weird and Im still trying to get used to it and not hurt them or leave them , I do feel undeserving a lot of the time but Im working on that , We accept the love we think we deserve and we cant truly love anyone unless we love ourselfs. Nobody can truly love us either until we do. Im in therapy for all of my trauma , its very painful but I know its helping me. Theres times I can get destructive in my friendships and relationship but im working on stopping that as its toxic and it can easily ruin them , its extremely hard not to ruin good things thats why I need therapy for those issues , Same applies to anyone whos been through anything traumatic , it changes your whole brain and thought process , and the earlier you get therapy the better.