Self harm relapse
Last night, I had a self-harm relapse. I know I should feel bad, and I kind of feel bad that I hurt the people who I have hurt by doing this, but I do not feel bad that I did it to myself, because for the first time in a while, it feels like a major relief has taken over...
Unless you have struggled with self-harm you can't possibly understand how much emotional/mental pain one feels, that hurting oneself actually makes the pain go away. I have been hurting, bad for quite a few months, but I could never get over it, no amount of walking, or focusing on other things made it go away, it was always there, and it was ruining my life, my friendships, my marriage.
I am not sorry that I hurt myself last night because I feel this sense of relief that I have not felt in a while. I am not sorry that I am feeling somewhat better, the depression is still there, but it is nothing like how I was. I am no longer suicidal & I guess that is going forward in the right direction.
The only thing that I am sorry about, is if doing this hurt anyone who cares about me, & I hope they know that I do love them, and I appreciate them standing behind me, but some people have different ways of coping & staying alive, & this is how I stay alive.
Unless you have struggled with self-harm you can't possibly understand how much emotional/mental pain one feels, that hurting oneself actually makes the pain go away. I have been hurting, bad for quite a few months, but I could never get over it, no amount of walking, or focusing on other things made it go away, it was always there, and it was ruining my life, my friendships, my marriage.
I am not sorry that I hurt myself last night because I feel this sense of relief that I have not felt in a while. I am not sorry that I am feeling somewhat better, the depression is still there, but it is nothing like how I was. I am no longer suicidal & I guess that is going forward in the right direction.
The only thing that I am sorry about, is if doing this hurt anyone who cares about me, & I hope they know that I do love them, and I appreciate them standing behind me, but some people have different ways of coping & staying alive, & this is how I stay alive.
