I told myself I wasn't gonna get back on here but I use this site to vent, so idk where else to talk
I dont want comments. I don't want encouragement. So please don't talk to me. I just wanna vent.
It seems like I'm never meant to have anything good in life. When life starts going good for a minute I get my hopes up then I ruin it all.
"I made it but hate that once I build it, I break it. It might just break me down".
Just a random lyric from one of my absolute favorite songs. I remember my first time listening to it, I literally broke into tears at that part because that describes my entire life.. over & over & over. I build something, I'm proud of it, I'm happy. Then I tear it all down & fall apart.
I know I share a lot here & I'm usually very open. But I find that I'm open selectively. I'm an open book but I still keep a wall up so people can understand me, but never really know me.
Lately I've been wondering if I should stay off this site for now because I've been angry. Perhaps I've been angry for days, maybe weeks, idk, but I'm starting to snap at people.. not just online but in my home life as well. People who don't deserve it. Maybe some, but certainly not all.
I'm disappointed in myself.
I'm not myself rn. Or maybe I am. Maybe my real self is simply just a piece of shit & I'm fooling myself by trying to be a happy person when I'm not.
I'm not kidding when I say don't respond to this. Please don't. I don't want to put energy into thinking further on it or holding conversation. & I'm logging off. I'll be on some other time probably
It seems like I'm never meant to have anything good in life. When life starts going good for a minute I get my hopes up then I ruin it all.
"I made it but hate that once I build it, I break it. It might just break me down".
Just a random lyric from one of my absolute favorite songs. I remember my first time listening to it, I literally broke into tears at that part because that describes my entire life.. over & over & over. I build something, I'm proud of it, I'm happy. Then I tear it all down & fall apart.
I know I share a lot here & I'm usually very open. But I find that I'm open selectively. I'm an open book but I still keep a wall up so people can understand me, but never really know me.
Lately I've been wondering if I should stay off this site for now because I've been angry. Perhaps I've been angry for days, maybe weeks, idk, but I'm starting to snap at people.. not just online but in my home life as well. People who don't deserve it. Maybe some, but certainly not all.
I'm disappointed in myself.
I'm not myself rn. Or maybe I am. Maybe my real self is simply just a piece of shit & I'm fooling myself by trying to be a happy person when I'm not.
I'm not kidding when I say don't respond to this. Please don't. I don't want to put energy into thinking further on it or holding conversation. & I'm logging off. I'll be on some other time probably
