I think…. I think and Think ….

I think the reason that I and people around me hated me is because I become them. I think about this a lot. I think and think. I think to myself. I think that, I don’t have a real me. I think that, I don’t have my own personality. I think that, when I hang around with anyone I become them. I think that, if I hang out around a loud and mean person, I become them. I think I become them by reflecting their actions, words and gestures. I think, it just come out naturally, even without me forcing it. I think, I am a mixed of the people around me. I think, I got both the bad and good traits of the people around me. I think, when someone does me bad thing or hurt my feeling, I would gradually find a way to do the same thing to them. I think that’s why they hate me, because I treat them the way they treat me. I think, I want them to taste their own medicine. I think, when I do that, I tend to destroy all the friendship and relationship I established. I think, the worse part is me becoming them to other people. I think I become them, especially when they not around. I think, I unconsciously do that because I missed their present! I think, sometime I also loved it because maybe the “other people persona” that I reflect would make others like me more than my actual self! I think, sometimes I hated it though, because it comes so naturally that I couldn’t stop myself! I think, it makes me hate myself because that mean the friendship and relationship I established is probably never based on me! I think, It’s base on the other person I’m reflecting! I think about this a lot and I still think about it.