I Like Writing Random Thoughts
A Bedtime Story
(written over 4 years ago)
Night settles upon me like a blanket. It's comforting darkness calling me into the land of dreams. My mind wearied from another drawn out day inside the mechanism of what we call society. My body sore and beleagured. Aches welling up as they so often do at the ending of the daylight hours. Pain is someting I have become accoustomed to these days. 42 should not feel so old I think regrettably
My bed...., my pillows..., my plush blanket...., they sing to me a lullaby. My whole being longing for a much needed respite from reality; I lay down to stare at the barely visible ceiling. Patterns of swirls in the stucco. Forming visions of alternating waves inside the soft light entering through the split in the window's curtains. The sounds of running water emerges and softly caresses my ear, as the fish tank filters recycle the water back into the tank. Small splashing noises tell of restless fish which dart to a fro just under the surface level of the 55 galons of hydrogen dioxide they call home.
My eye wanders to the clock I forgot to set the alarm on and I groan audibly as I stretch forth my right arm to push the button into the proper postion. My mind wishing I did not need to rise again so early. I quickly banish all thought of what tomorrow holds in store for me. Just another day within the grinding mechanics of everyday life. Another day of beating down my body in search for the almighty dollars that might come close to paying this weeks bills. Now overdue.....
More thoughts that need to be driven from the mind, in order to gain my respite......
I think then of a woman I once knew. A woman so perfect that all others pale in the comparison. Like a dream come true she entered into my life. Seemingly harmless and quite perfect in every way. Her beautifully tan skin flawless in it's smoothness. Her eyes, aflame with the fire of drive and ambition. Her voice...., a song from heaven that emmitted from a wicked smile borne from hell. Perfection, and precision..., poise and grace..., personality and style. Truly the woman of my dreams come to life.
I cursed the timing of that meeting. Why...? Why would life answer a prayer, so long after my praying was given up on, and done ? Why, oh why, would fate and destiny conspire so cruely against me ? More unbidden thoughts to stir the kettle of my deeper sub-conscious ? Thoughts that won't ever bring peace to such a warped and twisted soul. A soul who spent his currency of will upon the bills of responsibility. Such timing as that was the work of true irony, and nothing less, I think to myself. I try to summons more suitable thoughts for a peaceful night's rest. As I send forth a calling to my spirit animal...., The Bear.
The Bears have long come to me in times of restless duress. They safegaurd me and my dreams. They offer to me strength of which I draw upon to settle my mind and bring me back to even. They follow me through the darkest of nights and the most unsettling of dreams. But tonight The Bears are busy elsewhere. Tonight they leave me to the thoughts of Ms. Amazingly Perfect. They leave me to contemplate all of the should have, could have, wish I would have's......
I should have made her know how special she is. I could have tried..., could have been brave enough to reach for such a dream. Wish I would have not said that last thing she'll remember of me forever.
I know it was my fear. My petty insecurities that drove me to drive her from my life. I know I'll always regret that sentence. I'll think until the end of time itself, that I might have said I'm sorry. That with those two small words, a whole new reality may have emerged for me. One where every dream I've ever held came true.
I drift off...., into a fitfull, Bearless sleep. Alone with my regret, and longing......
The alarm wakes me, and I begin again.
Back into the grinding mechanism of the everyday. Trudging on in my self isolation of insomniatic misery.
Yeah............, I miss her.................................................................................
*The Snowdog*
After thoughts:
I find things like this from time to time amongst my writings. I post them as a matter of self-reflection and inner personal growth. It's odd to read things I had forgotten I'd written. It's like a deja vu thing......
(written over 4 years ago)
Night settles upon me like a blanket. It's comforting darkness calling me into the land of dreams. My mind wearied from another drawn out day inside the mechanism of what we call society. My body sore and beleagured. Aches welling up as they so often do at the ending of the daylight hours. Pain is someting I have become accoustomed to these days. 42 should not feel so old I think regrettably
My bed...., my pillows..., my plush blanket...., they sing to me a lullaby. My whole being longing for a much needed respite from reality; I lay down to stare at the barely visible ceiling. Patterns of swirls in the stucco. Forming visions of alternating waves inside the soft light entering through the split in the window's curtains. The sounds of running water emerges and softly caresses my ear, as the fish tank filters recycle the water back into the tank. Small splashing noises tell of restless fish which dart to a fro just under the surface level of the 55 galons of hydrogen dioxide they call home.
My eye wanders to the clock I forgot to set the alarm on and I groan audibly as I stretch forth my right arm to push the button into the proper postion. My mind wishing I did not need to rise again so early. I quickly banish all thought of what tomorrow holds in store for me. Just another day within the grinding mechanics of everyday life. Another day of beating down my body in search for the almighty dollars that might come close to paying this weeks bills. Now overdue.....
More thoughts that need to be driven from the mind, in order to gain my respite......
I think then of a woman I once knew. A woman so perfect that all others pale in the comparison. Like a dream come true she entered into my life. Seemingly harmless and quite perfect in every way. Her beautifully tan skin flawless in it's smoothness. Her eyes, aflame with the fire of drive and ambition. Her voice...., a song from heaven that emmitted from a wicked smile borne from hell. Perfection, and precision..., poise and grace..., personality and style. Truly the woman of my dreams come to life.
I cursed the timing of that meeting. Why...? Why would life answer a prayer, so long after my praying was given up on, and done ? Why, oh why, would fate and destiny conspire so cruely against me ? More unbidden thoughts to stir the kettle of my deeper sub-conscious ? Thoughts that won't ever bring peace to such a warped and twisted soul. A soul who spent his currency of will upon the bills of responsibility. Such timing as that was the work of true irony, and nothing less, I think to myself. I try to summons more suitable thoughts for a peaceful night's rest. As I send forth a calling to my spirit animal...., The Bear.
The Bears have long come to me in times of restless duress. They safegaurd me and my dreams. They offer to me strength of which I draw upon to settle my mind and bring me back to even. They follow me through the darkest of nights and the most unsettling of dreams. But tonight The Bears are busy elsewhere. Tonight they leave me to the thoughts of Ms. Amazingly Perfect. They leave me to contemplate all of the should have, could have, wish I would have's......
I should have made her know how special she is. I could have tried..., could have been brave enough to reach for such a dream. Wish I would have not said that last thing she'll remember of me forever.
I know it was my fear. My petty insecurities that drove me to drive her from my life. I know I'll always regret that sentence. I'll think until the end of time itself, that I might have said I'm sorry. That with those two small words, a whole new reality may have emerged for me. One where every dream I've ever held came true.
I drift off...., into a fitfull, Bearless sleep. Alone with my regret, and longing......
The alarm wakes me, and I begin again.
Back into the grinding mechanism of the everyday. Trudging on in my self isolation of insomniatic misery.
Yeah............, I miss her.................................................................................
*The Snowdog*
After thoughts:
I find things like this from time to time amongst my writings. I post them as a matter of self-reflection and inner personal growth. It's odd to read things I had forgotten I'd written. It's like a deja vu thing......
