Moving on- 9 months later

You'd think by now, I'd be okay, that I would have moved on fully. And for the most part I have, I guess you just grow tired of fighting after a while , fighting back the depression she made so easy to cope with, I'd never do anything drastic , gosh no, but that doesn't make my head any clearer. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, but this is more for me if I'm being honest, just somewhere to post my thoughts that she won't see. Isn't depression just an utter joy