I Am Fighting Suicidle Thoughts

If you see me during the day. You wouldn't have a single clue what I fight at night.

I'm usually happy. I dance to some music when it's playing. I laugh and make jokes. I work hard. And I love talking to people.

But at night.

I cry. I shake my head trying to shake away the bad thoughts. I look at the past in the face as it tares me apart. I don't live in the past. But the past lives inside my head. And shows me eveything that I've done wrong. And replays the things done against me. As the demons tell me I deserve it.

And I let it bleed out...

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GlassDog · 46-50, M

I think this is one of the most difficult things about mental health issues. Because we're either ashamed of it, don't want to admit it, or don't want to deal with it, we pretend to other people that it doesn't exist. I remember telling my mother the real reason I left university and she cried, partly for my sake, but partly because she felt she should have worked out that her own child was suffering.

You have said it openly here, and that's not a bad thing at all. I suspect there are a lot of people here who either feel the same as you, or have felt that way. You are not alone.