I Have Social Anxiety

Could say I've been anxious all my life. Just now I'm just wondering a few things? If I've always been content as an introvert, is it a gift to withdraw and be so happy in solitude.. or is it a comfort?. I spoke to a person recently about empaths, how much I absorb, all the the small cues I pick up that leave me either on edge, indecisive, or anxious. When the person asked, do you think people could learn this to the same depth...I said I think it's stemmed from years of anxiety not just observing. I'm always alert, or on edge, wondering things. I think if you have certain experiences growing up, like controlling parents, or bullying at school. For me personally there were things like that growing up..Now I suppose, its my medical and identity.
The world is so black and white!!
And I have gender dysphoria, have transitioned male-female...but I still have had my full childhood with my brothers..those 16 years of my life really sculpted me. But we still do stuff together...Go to play snooker, touring football stadiums, horse racing, and I attend on football nights at the pub with the guys. But I told my mother last night about how anxious I really was out dancing with the girls last night, and that alcohol relaxed me 🤣... Told her that although I gradually started coming out 10 years ago..it's all new...in all honesty guy chat seems more relaxed, layedback 🤣...Then I started looking into things. I do find this part difficult..the world, the identity, the boxes we need to fit into. I think enroute to identifying female..my mother tried making me chase the stereotypes..saying "girls do this"..like there's a training method for being a girl. Which I found kind of wrong!..also made me a little anxious...like??..I know who I am, I know I have gender dysphoria. Therefore I can be myself..it's one thing that makes you overthink...
The next thing is epilepsy, but not much to say on that part, just absence seizure, intense worry. And potentially more controlled if i can manage my stress and anxiety.
But I started listing why I'm anxious
The fear of being judged
How many times has someone said either really good or really bad things.
Quite a lot!!..but how important are these people...not very!!...customers, public etc.
I find myself more chatty with strangers than with people I know..because it's like a rehearsal..they don't know you!!
Is "I'm not really one for small talk an excuse?"
Well???..I thought about this?..because I do generally like deep meaningful conversation. But then again?..when I'm with my brother, we have small talk and jokes all the time..because we are relaxed in eachothers presence. Maybe if I can relax or push boundaries..I'll enjoy small talk with others...but social anxiety is real.