Anti social

I used to be outgoing. Wanting to talk to everyone make friends. I was a people pleaser and I think I still am one. But through life being a doormat and only doing what the other person wants I feel like I lost myself. I feel like I'm a boring person. I don't like to be the person to start a conversation because I don't want to be annoying. I've been told to shut up when I talk or just plain ignored that now I have a hard time speaking up. I want to make friends but I really don't know how. When people ask what I like and what I want to do, I really have to answer. I lost my identity a long time ago. One problem is I didn't think I'd live past 16 so now I feel like I didn't think I'd make it this far I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely but I can't talk to people. It's hard sometimes. I make people mad at me because I don't know what to talk about, or I don't reach out to start a conversation. It's just super hard for me now.

val70 · 51-55

You're not a doormat. Nobody is. I can understand that it's hard but you're doing the right things already. Go out there (I don't mean necessary to go out in the traditional way) and try your luck anew to meet and speak with someone new. I understand about the losing of identity. Trauma and the like create a lot of baggage like that. Talk about the weather. The English do :-)