Is this social anxiety???

I love to meet new people. I have no fear of approaching strangers and asking them questions or making conversation. I find people beautiful, intriguing and I like looking into them. I can speak in front of groups but mostly prefer being supportive and helpful in the background.

But on the other hand, I struggle to form lasting connections. It’s difficult for me to keep in touch with people if they aren’t in my life regularly. Like work, or family. However I don’t have any family (they passed) and I’ve perhaps settled for toxic bonds but I don’t know why. I’m a bit of a loner, artistic, creative type but I wouldn’t say I’m completely introverted.

I’ve had good friends in the past, but I let a lot of people go because I can’t keep up with their lives. I’m a single Mom with no one, I can’t deal with everyone’s drama. Especially when I am admittedly jealous of people who have their families or a partner to care about them. I don’t pity them. I don’t pity myself. But I can’t keep giving. I never ask, never want, never receive.

I want to create balanced relationships but I just feel drained around people most of the time.

I don’t really need advice, I like myself… you know all the standard shit people say when they think you need to be told how to live 😆 no thanks. I just want to hear peoples opinions and experiences with social anxiety.

Learning about others helps me learn about myself. Thank you.