I Have Social Anxiety
[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa6mFiPHbN4]
I dont think i have ever watched a video more accurate about how my sa feels.
Its like not only do i feel like strangers hate me, will hate me, but also my family.
I feel like anyone that does humor my existence has some hidden agenda. WHY WHY WHY are they nice to me? What do they want, cause I KNOW it cant be me. Soon enough they will hate me. Just as when i look in the mirror if they didnt think it at first glance they will also start to think "stupid trash" and other degrading terms when they see me.
Even with my family I CANT HELP but feel this way. That the only reason they talk to me or are nice to me is because we are family. They only treat me well becuase they have to but i know they are seething with hate for me. And it doesnt help that my siblings told me that if we werent family they would never talk to me. That literally just proves my feelings.
I guess its almost like i have some sort of persecution complex. No i do. I think "hey, its impossible that everyone you know hates you" but then i think "then why does everyone leave, why does no one talk to me, why am i still alone, why did i get fired from my job". I know it but it still doesnt help.
Watching that video kinda made me feel a lot better because i havent talked to other people with social anxiety, understandably (at least not to my knowledge). It just feels nice that im not the only one out there who has trouble with this.
I isolate myself and dont see or talk to people for days (except online) and i think, hey i dont have sa. But then i go out and try to talk to people face to face and its like my heart it threatening to jump out of my chest but im to scared to even reach my had out and grab it.
I feel like my sa has held me back from so many things.
But this is just a rant. I had been feeling alone in life and mentally with all my feelings and self doubt and it just feels good to know im not the only one feeling this way. Even though im alone and have no friends, im not alone mentally i guess.
But this was a long emotional rant, if you read it thanks.
I dont think i have ever watched a video more accurate about how my sa feels.
Its like not only do i feel like strangers hate me, will hate me, but also my family.
I feel like anyone that does humor my existence has some hidden agenda. WHY WHY WHY are they nice to me? What do they want, cause I KNOW it cant be me. Soon enough they will hate me. Just as when i look in the mirror if they didnt think it at first glance they will also start to think "stupid trash" and other degrading terms when they see me.
Even with my family I CANT HELP but feel this way. That the only reason they talk to me or are nice to me is because we are family. They only treat me well becuase they have to but i know they are seething with hate for me. And it doesnt help that my siblings told me that if we werent family they would never talk to me. That literally just proves my feelings.
I guess its almost like i have some sort of persecution complex. No i do. I think "hey, its impossible that everyone you know hates you" but then i think "then why does everyone leave, why does no one talk to me, why am i still alone, why did i get fired from my job". I know it but it still doesnt help.
Watching that video kinda made me feel a lot better because i havent talked to other people with social anxiety, understandably (at least not to my knowledge). It just feels nice that im not the only one out there who has trouble with this.
I isolate myself and dont see or talk to people for days (except online) and i think, hey i dont have sa. But then i go out and try to talk to people face to face and its like my heart it threatening to jump out of my chest but im to scared to even reach my had out and grab it.
I feel like my sa has held me back from so many things.
But this is just a rant. I had been feeling alone in life and mentally with all my feelings and self doubt and it just feels good to know im not the only one feeling this way. Even though im alone and have no friends, im not alone mentally i guess.
But this was a long emotional rant, if you read it thanks.
