Pain never matters

I don't need anyone to take care of me
I don't want to lie around and wallow
But there is so much you don't know
I don't expect anyone to care
I don't expect anyone to be there
But there is something you don't see

All I wish
Is for the pain
The exhaustion of pushing
The hiding
The need to go slower
To be considered
That's all

I am not playing games
I am exhausted
I cannot read your mind
I am exhausted
I do not know what you expect
I am exhausted

I try to smile instead of crying
Laugh instead of complain
I try to be nourishing
Not destructive

I don't understand what people want from me
I tell them
I'm in pain
I'm exhausted
And still I'm not good enough to be treated like it matters
Watching addicts get treated better
People I considered great friends
They ditched me
More pain
Everything pain

And then I'm bad for hiding
I'm bad for resting
And they wonder why I hide
Because the

Pain. Never. Matters.

It matters to me
It matters to my son
That I can do what needs to be done
I don't ask anybody for shit
So if I'm not good enough for you because I have chronic pain
Go.