Hey, Joe (TRS)

So, just wanted to let you know that I’ve turned that corner you talked to me about in my dreams.

I’m not really past the tears or even the depth of all this pain. But, I’m managing it a whole lot better. It doesn’t drive me into week long depressions anymore. It does make me pause sometimes but I can work around it and put it off for a while as I tend to the grinding.

I try to save the tears for the shower and I try to process the pain of it all by making other people smile.

And when you look down on me I find myself wondering if if you’re happy for me or sad that perhaps because I’m doing better with it all , that maybe somehow I’m forgetting you in some way? That maybe I’m just letting you go somehow?

I just wanted to let you know that both of those things are impossible.
You travel every single path with me and I carry the thought of you like a cross.

The thing is, you’re gone and I can’t change that. I’m still here and you know there are people like your sister and your nephews that need me to be something they can turn to and feel loved and supported. They need me and I can’t give up on that just so I can see you again.

And yeah, I miss you so much and wish I could hug you for a while, but I know I can’t and despite my wishes I can’t bring you back or come to you.

I just gotta do what I need to do for now.
And all the sadness, pain, and wishes…
Well, they just need to wait for the end of me to arrive.

But I promise, when it comes I’ll come find you .
And I’ll hug you and hang with you for the rest of eternity.

I miss you so much and I’m so sorry that we can’t be together just yet.

But I gotta do what I gotta do for as long as I can do it.
I really do hope you understand?

God I miss you.
I miss you so much, kid.

I’ll see you in my dreams.

I love you.