We went for lunch today

My wife and her mum were so rude to the waitress because of her accent. Some people from another table had to tell them to stop as she’d obviously been crying.

DancingStarGoddess ·

I have to say... None of these posts are painting your wife in the best light. I can only speak to what I have read, so I write this as a reaction to that. Please take it with a grain either way. All choices are ultimately up to you alone.

That being said...
It sounds like while you yourself have made good strides to be a different and better person than you were in the past, your wife definitely hasn't. It also stands to reason that she might be a large part of why you sometimes seem to struggle with things of that nature still lately.

You are much too young to be going through such bullshit AND too old to be putting others through it as well, be it as the catalyst, an accomplice or an enabler. People in the service industry work HARD. And they take a lot of shit from people. Who your wife is when she's drunk is her true filterless character.

The fact that she treats people that way is disgusting. Especially her own husband. I hate to say it, but you need a new wife OR some serious couples therapy (she needs the majority of it) regardless of what you choose to do, I hope it ends up happier in the end bc I can sense the " I really don't know what to do" in these posts. But the good thing to remember is that bad times don't last forever. 😊

Strongtea · 22-25, M

I do really love her, I’ve known her for a long time, we were best friends growing up and we were very similar then. I’ve been really honest on here about the things I’ve done and how I wasn’t a very nice person back then. She’s helped me a lot, she was the only person that stayed friends with me when I was ‘exposed’ (that sounds slightly too extreme) as a bully. She hasn’t changed as much as I have and it’s hard to deal with, but although it doesn’t excuse how she acts, she does have her own issues (she’s put on weight, not very popular etc) which cause her to act like this.@DancingStarGoddess

DancingStarGoddess ·

@Strongtea I understand completely. I don't think you're a bad person. In fact you wouldn't be here trying to get perspective on all of this if you were. You wouldn't even care if you were that person deep down inside and I'm willing to bet she isn't either, but the same as you learned...she must as well. You can't use other people as human punching bags to make yourself feel better.

At some point there does come a reckoning and I hope for her sake that she just realizes it and stops before something bad happens. The good thing is you're both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. There's time and room to change. As long as you're still walking this earth and can draw a breath, ANYONE can change. Maybe it's time to have a gentle chat with her?