I know I’ve spoken so much about this on here, i’m sorry! I don’t want to be boring or annoying!!

I know so many of you have given me advice over the years and i’m so grateful. I just need to vent, I think.
I live in pretty much constant fear of bumping into people that I bullied in school. I live in a fairly small town and it’s something that can and does sometimes happen. It’s the most embarrassing situation to be put in, I hate it so much. My fear anxiety has caused me to drink alchohol to escape it, which has led to issues like bedwetting, being brought home drunk by the police and my friends. It’s really had an awful effect on my life. I know it’s all my fault and I know I should apologise to everyone, but I’m just so scared.
I’m sorry! I’m just having a moment, I don’t want to get on anyone’s nerves here.