So anxious [I Was Bullied]
😥 The past year much like all humanity's had been dragged through the mud.
First blow was that I think I caught COVID19 in January 2020 (probably one of the first people to catch it in England), recovered in the hope that's all would happen. I promised myself I would start living rather than hiding in the dark and so in June, the second blow; I wanted to depart my most trusting secret to my friends that I had been building connections with on Facebook for 5 years, it was a secret that I didn't like devulging but after their response I just tend to tell people and accept the fallout. I confided in them that I have low level Aspergers and they turned around and said that I was broken and they didn't want a broken person in their life then I found out they had started a chat to discuss my affliction and started spreading rumours throughout my friend's list. It was definitely because of the aspergers and not that they may have found out a secret I hid from them for years.
So I left Facebook, Instagram all my Social Media. Built my YouTube from the ground up again. And I buried myself in my job, my bosses and colleagues helped comfort the blow of losing "my friends."
Then came the third blow of my 2020; me and my team were made redundant in September because the company wanted to focus on the other two stores in the towns opposite ours but we were the most popular store out of the three talking to the customers.
We were given a redundancy notice within the one day and we had to be out of the store by the following Wednesday. We given the notice on the Wednesday before. I had a day off that day about to have my lunch and needless to say it was tear filled by the end of it. I spoke to my boss the next day helping with the tills and he told me that he spent the whole evening holding his newborn baby in a dark room which almost made me cry all over again.
By this point my anxiety was at an all time but I endured, sending out applications for anything I could find. Me and my old team helped each other to potentiallly find something via email.
Come Christmas, there was a light in the darkness as I was given a temp Christmas role just around the corner from me and I did a great job according to my managers and they kept me on and I'm still there now and I wish I could enjoy it.
I keep trying to improve my mental state but I keep regressing at every obstacle. At work, it's not too bad but at home, I try playing games to escape but my head feels so heavy and I sorta know why, my hair is at a long point that it keeps triggering me, last time I had hair this long, I had given up on taking care of myself after a bad break up in 2015. Seriously, what kinda girl punches a guy just for saying "I love you" after 6 months of dating (we had definitely been dating and it wasn't some random girl I met on a job search thing). I really want the hairdressers to reopen so I can get this mop chopped, get all this trigger out of my life so I can repair myself for lack of a better word.
Sorry about the long story but I had to spill out somewhere and quite recently, I've been overflowing in anxiety. 😥💜
First blow was that I think I caught COVID19 in January 2020 (probably one of the first people to catch it in England), recovered in the hope that's all would happen. I promised myself I would start living rather than hiding in the dark and so in June, the second blow; I wanted to depart my most trusting secret to my friends that I had been building connections with on Facebook for 5 years, it was a secret that I didn't like devulging but after their response I just tend to tell people and accept the fallout. I confided in them that I have low level Aspergers and they turned around and said that I was broken and they didn't want a broken person in their life then I found out they had started a chat to discuss my affliction and started spreading rumours throughout my friend's list. It was definitely because of the aspergers and not that they may have found out a secret I hid from them for years.
So I left Facebook, Instagram all my Social Media. Built my YouTube from the ground up again. And I buried myself in my job, my bosses and colleagues helped comfort the blow of losing "my friends."
Then came the third blow of my 2020; me and my team were made redundant in September because the company wanted to focus on the other two stores in the towns opposite ours but we were the most popular store out of the three talking to the customers.
We were given a redundancy notice within the one day and we had to be out of the store by the following Wednesday. We given the notice on the Wednesday before. I had a day off that day about to have my lunch and needless to say it was tear filled by the end of it. I spoke to my boss the next day helping with the tills and he told me that he spent the whole evening holding his newborn baby in a dark room which almost made me cry all over again.
By this point my anxiety was at an all time but I endured, sending out applications for anything I could find. Me and my old team helped each other to potentiallly find something via email.
Come Christmas, there was a light in the darkness as I was given a temp Christmas role just around the corner from me and I did a great job according to my managers and they kept me on and I'm still there now and I wish I could enjoy it.
I keep trying to improve my mental state but I keep regressing at every obstacle. At work, it's not too bad but at home, I try playing games to escape but my head feels so heavy and I sorta know why, my hair is at a long point that it keeps triggering me, last time I had hair this long, I had given up on taking care of myself after a bad break up in 2015. Seriously, what kinda girl punches a guy just for saying "I love you" after 6 months of dating (we had definitely been dating and it wasn't some random girl I met on a job search thing). I really want the hairdressers to reopen so I can get this mop chopped, get all this trigger out of my life so I can repair myself for lack of a better word.
Sorry about the long story but I had to spill out somewhere and quite recently, I've been overflowing in anxiety. 😥💜
26-30, M
