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I Was Bullied At School

After being bullied by a hostile little twerp for months, I developed a place to hide. It worked like this: the school property was located in an old lemom grove. The lemons grew year round. I liked bees but the bully had a fear of bees. So I ran and when I found some lemon trees I grabbed a bee and when the bully came near me I jumped out from the trees and threw a bee in her face. She would run and, curious, the bee would chase her. It gave me a little safety.

But the bully complained. And the teacher decided to punish ME.

Here was the punishment: I had to stand in front of the class while every student was instructed to tell me at least one (or more) things they didn't like about me.

I already had a very mean angry mother. And little self-esteem. So this was a disaster for me. The teacher very foolishly told the bully to go start the session. She spoke for several minutes. That inspired everyone to do their worst.

I was shattered. I was told that I was encouraging the bullying because the bully was forced to hit me because I ran away and she couldn't talk to me. I was supposed to stick around and help her learn to communicate non-violently.

The bully arrived before anyone at school did, very early. I was the second kid or person to arrive. After that it would be nearly an hour before anyone else arrived, teacher or pupil, even the janitor.

I begged my mother to bring me to school later so I would not have to spend all that unsupervised time alone with the bully. But it would've interrupted her work schedule. (She was the director of a nursery school).

I was told by the teacher and my mother that the bullying was my fault. I had a bad personality. And I was a wimp and a sissie who didn't know how to "stand up" to the bully. It never seemed to occur to anyone that human beings are not born knowing how to fight; it's something that has to be learned and practiced. She was skilled and I was not.

This situation, and the punishment, scarred me for life. I have spent a lot of my life proving I am tough enough. In fact, my entire career was spent dealing with violent criminals. I have taken many self defense classes. And I admit that, for years, all I wanted to do was run into her and beat her up. I heard she avoided going to our class reunion because she heard I was going to attack her. Actually, all I was planning to do was demand an apology.

I still laugh when I remember those bees. She did get stung a couple of times. At least nature was fair and helpful to me. The school, not so much.
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Budwick · 70-79, M
Green - You've been carrying this burden for a long - long time.
Set it down.
You don't need it anymore.