I Think Life Would Be Better For Everyone If I Wasn't Here
Sometimes I Still Feel This Way... I wrote this back in March 2012....sometimes I feel like this
A walk at night down the wet road.......a cool breeze against my face........I look up at the cloudness sky and see millions of stars.
I keep walking....contiplating how this will end.......right now the pain is still there....I still hurt....its unbearable.
I walk off the road into the bushes........in the trees i go, trying to keep it in but crying every step.
It has to stop.
I hear a dog barking in the distance and the rustling in the branches.....I look up and see birds take flight.
I step in a mud puddle getting my shoes muddy.....I grin and tell myself that it won't soon matter anyways.
The limbs of branches snap off as I make my way deeper into the woods.......but with no destination in mind.
Just a little further....
...away from the road...
....away from people...
.....away from life....
I check my phone map.......looks good.
Nobody will find me here.
I want to be lost. I dont want to be found.
Not like anyone will notice that I'm gone anyways.
I sit down in a pile of leaves, grasping the bottle in my coat pocket.
Very soon the loneliness....the worthlessnes.....all the pain soon won't exist.
I open the bottle and gulp the pills down........how many was that?......it was half a bottle but will that be enough?
I lay down on the cold earth. I'm chilly and start to shiver.
I make an entry in Facebook.....one small one that will go unoticed....
"I love you everyone.....I hope life treats you right.....you're beautiful"
No one will notice till next week.......then my wall will be full of 'I miss you's' and 'I love you's'
Sadly.......no one says that when you're alive
Like the song goes...."funny when you're dead people start listening'
Watching the braches sway in the wind, I see the Big Dipper.
I wonder what us mere humans are to God to create a beatiful sky with stars like this.
Im so sorry God for doing this......please forgive me
I'm warm........it feels like warm water is in my blood
My eyes are closed but i hear a flock of geese pass overhead.
Do I have any regrets in life?.....no....not one.
I've made mistakes but so has everyone else....and that's what makes us beautiful.
I think about my family........I'm so sorry...... I mean I tried my best
I think of the kids.....I hope I made a little difference.....they're all beautiful.
They've got such an amazing future.
I'm feeling tired now.....my arms and legs feel numb
I don't hurt......
...no pain.....
.....just emptyness......
..this is good.....
I hear the thump of my heart beating slower........
It doesn't hurt......no more tears.....nothingness.
A walk at night down the wet road.......a cool breeze against my face........I look up at the cloudness sky and see millions of stars.
I keep walking....contiplating how this will end.......right now the pain is still there....I still hurt....its unbearable.
I walk off the road into the bushes........in the trees i go, trying to keep it in but crying every step.
It has to stop.
I hear a dog barking in the distance and the rustling in the branches.....I look up and see birds take flight.
I step in a mud puddle getting my shoes muddy.....I grin and tell myself that it won't soon matter anyways.
The limbs of branches snap off as I make my way deeper into the woods.......but with no destination in mind.
Just a little further....
...away from the road...
....away from people...
.....away from life....
I check my phone map.......looks good.
Nobody will find me here.
I want to be lost. I dont want to be found.
Not like anyone will notice that I'm gone anyways.
I sit down in a pile of leaves, grasping the bottle in my coat pocket.
Very soon the loneliness....the worthlessnes.....all the pain soon won't exist.
I open the bottle and gulp the pills down........how many was that?......it was half a bottle but will that be enough?
I lay down on the cold earth. I'm chilly and start to shiver.
I make an entry in Facebook.....one small one that will go unoticed....
"I love you everyone.....I hope life treats you right.....you're beautiful"
No one will notice till next week.......then my wall will be full of 'I miss you's' and 'I love you's'
Sadly.......no one says that when you're alive
Like the song goes...."funny when you're dead people start listening'
Watching the braches sway in the wind, I see the Big Dipper.
I wonder what us mere humans are to God to create a beatiful sky with stars like this.
Im so sorry God for doing this......please forgive me
I'm warm........it feels like warm water is in my blood
My eyes are closed but i hear a flock of geese pass overhead.
Do I have any regrets in life?.....no....not one.
I've made mistakes but so has everyone else....and that's what makes us beautiful.
I think about my family........I'm so sorry...... I mean I tried my best
I think of the kids.....I hope I made a little difference.....they're all beautiful.
They've got such an amazing future.
I'm feeling tired now.....my arms and legs feel numb
I don't hurt......
...no pain.....
.....just emptyness......
..this is good.....
I hear the thump of my heart beating slower........
It doesn't hurt......no more tears.....nothingness.
