I am antisocial but I love seeing people at peace

I like seeing couples happy and I don't need to be with mine to find it beautiful. I also like families , good ones, even though mine in the past was very fuked up.

I love seeing fathers and mothers pick their children from schools. I love it when I hear them talk in the waiting room loving, encouraging, embracing.. I love when I see them holding hands.

Things like that can actually make my day.

It fills my heart with warmth.

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CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

I'm not sure if I like it because I always feel like an intruder and a totally foreign element in the scheme. 😆 Last nigt I spent surrounded by young families, 30 - mid 30 somethings mostly from corporate environment with little kids talking about family issues and I felt desperately out of place. 😅
Even thinking about parents bringing their kids to school and taking them home in the afternoon gives me some weird kind of anxiety because it makes me think of the huge society machine that just goes on and on, generation after generation, the same thing, just new people. And it also reminds me how much I hated school system as a kid. Authorities, rules, schedules and it's twice as bad for you if you're an adult and have to deal with rules in your job, rules of the country you live in and rules your kid has in school they are going to. Bleh. 😆

I guess embracing it all means being a grownup or something. Hmm, still far from there.

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Elessar · 26-30, M

@CrazyMusicLover I'm on somewhat the same page, when you say that thinking about parenthood evokes anxiety and negative memories about childhood. Unlike many (/most?), I don't really see childhood/teenage years as a period I would remotely feel nostalgic about; it was mostly a period of intense stress/awkwardness, even worse anxiety than what I still experience now, and on top of everything, little (if any) control over my life. I don't really see myself anytime soon changing my view on this; let alone, willingly to contribute to bringing someone else to the world and seeing them have to go through all that sh*t themselves, and fighting again for - this time not for mine, but their - sanity.

And no, I don't really think it means being a grownup, having / growing a child simply isn't everyone's piece of cake / life-goal.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Elessar yeah, the whole thing about bringing more children into a world full of orphans and suffering is very messed up human tendency. But those who are already here are here, doesn't matter what we think of their parents decisions. They are here and they need be loved by their parents.

And I selfishly admire it from afar.

Now that I think about it again, it is kinda creepy af of me.

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

@Miram

But functional families are something to be cherished no matter the context. Like a flower growing up in filth.

I fully agree. I admire and marvel at it from afar too. Even if maybe it's not such uncommon sight to me. I've honestly seen more normal functional families than the dysfunctional ones. I admire how those people just embrace these roles with calmness and as something completely natural. Or at least that's how it seems on the outside.

Elessar · 26-30, M

I kinda envy that feeling. I'm so cynical personally that whenever I see people apparently happy with each other I can't help thinking about what might be happening "behind the curtains".

And this kind of thinking is probably the reason why I'll end up spending my old age alone, isolated and lonely. on the top of some mountain or something. 🥴

Miram · 31-35, F

@Elessar

I'll end up spending my old age alone, isolated and lonely. on the top of some mountain or something.

Already there. Can't say it is so bad.

I don't experience loneliness though the way other people do, maybe that's why.

I am also pretty loved despite the distance. One day I will have more and will get more, elsewhere.

Elessar · 26-30, M

@Miram I know from direct experience that I'm not the kind of person who would enjoy isolation indefinitely, loneliness can and will be a real b*tch here.

AuRevoir · 36-40, M

I haven't gotten to feel it as much lately... Used to be what helped make me feel human, now it's been more rare when I feel it on a deeper level, I think I always feel it.. But it doesn't run as deep through my veins as it once had..

But I did feel it yesterday........ But I'm noticing it comes entailed with great sadness whenever I'm feeling these things lately....... Idk.........

bookerdana · M

It is great you can move beyond your past and feel joy at the happiness of others,not all that many can..or eve n want to! Living life like a turtle on its back snapping at others

SpudMuffin · 61-69, M

I agree completely, though I couldn't have expressed it so well.

deadgerbil · 26-30

I get hives when I see it

Miram · 31-35, F

@deadgerbil and they get the plague

Sublearner · 31-35, F

Same here 🤗🤗

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