The moment that never was..

I have been going through a dilemma.. for a few days now i have had the opportunity to do something morally y ethically wrong. One of those its now or never opportunities. Something inside me kept telling me “stop entertaining the idea”. Little by little it progressed into a more n more perverse idea. Like a criminal mind considering and observing all angles and out comes… one day to silence the devil on my shoulder cheering me on i took a nap. As i work my body in auto pilot followed through with step one. I had fought it so long why how did i get here!? There was no going back. Some how i had placed everything ready to execute. Shame took over but i also knew it would be harmless and it was now or never. On the day of i followed through. And during execution regret hit hard. It was not as fulfilling as i expected. Even though i was capable and everything was set and i was already executing it. I changed my mind. I didnt follow through i didnt feel like it was worth it anymore. The once in a lifetime opportunity became meaningless. Harmless as it was now it was also non existant. Only i know what could have been but never was. Was this me defeating my subconscious intent that drove me there. Or was this my subconscious overpowering my physical telling me you dont really want to do this. I guess i will never know. I guess i can now declare it my choice. My once in a lifetime kind of victory.