It’s going to be very cold again and I wish I could fix my life

Great upper 60s and low 70s and the coast near Newport Rhode Island is always chillier than inland. I have no choice but to pull out my winter attire again to stay warm to keep from chilling my buns off. This is one of the things that pisses me off about New England. The freak cold snaps in the summer sometimes 60 , 70 degrees. That kind of weather I wouldn’t mind in November through March but not in July. This is not the southern hemisphere where it’s winter. This is one of the reasons I wish I could move but being away from family supports with my conditions is a bad idea. Unless of course I could live in an intentional community where friends close friends become like family and I still worked with the department of mental health for my psychiatry and therapy needs. There are online platforms where you can talk to licensed psychiatrists and therapists but I don’t think they take my insurance. I have government insurance through the state for low income residents and if I move out of state I would lose my health insurance. Moving out of state would require transferring over or starting over with a different states department of mental health and starting over with getting access to services. I need my medications to keep me stable. Case management would help me access to subsidized housing so I can afford my rent and utilities. I am on disability benefits which are not enough to live off of. I need to finish my vocational online courses so I can learn skills that can make.me money. I still have over $5,000 dollars to pay back in student loans which my parents are helping me pay for. If I go back to school it will need to be with grants, scholarships, and maybe money for people with disabilities through a government program. The problem is the universities I want to attend are not in state colleges because they are online and have programs I am interested in but not in Massachusetts. I could take tuition assistance from mass ability ( Massachusetts rehabilitation commission) or adult clinical community services program. I would be proud of myself for finishing a bachelors degree at this point. If time and money were no constraints I would liked two bachelors and two masters degrees. I realistically can only achieve one bachelors and maybe a masters. And have courses with certificates of completion and diplomas in between. I haven’t even finished my courses with certificates of completion that my parents already paid for. I need to work at least part time to become financially independent and self sufficient. I’m not working a minimum wage unskilled job ever again. I may always need some extra help to afford things and my parents are thinking about setting me up with a disability trust. Sometimes I secretly wish I could have a spouse.that could provide for me and I could get on their insurance and work part time and focus on my education. I wish I was rich or could marry someone.who is kind, sensitive, and generous who also was at least financially comfortable to wealthy. I wish someone could wipe out my student loans for me and buy me a house to live in and not need a mortgage from the bank. But someone not too old for me. A girl can dream right? I’m never getting the love of my life back so this is the next best thing. It would be helpful to my parents too so they don’t have to worry about me. I don’t think I have what it takes to work full time. Ideally all I would have to work is 20-25 hours per week to make ends meet. 30 hours would be the most I would ever handle and that would be on a good week. I wonder how I am going to afford anything on my own even with a career because things are so expensive. Even if I cut out certain expenses, it would still be tough. I wish I could have someone to provide for me and give me rides to outings and appointments besides my family and non emergency. Medical transportation for the disabled. I am mentally disabled and being this way is not easy. People would say what about standing on your own two feet and working to provide for yourself. It doesn’t take into account for disabilities. I wouldn’t mind having a spouse to help support me and give me financial security who I also could love. Maybe that makes me a gold digger but I am not going to lie. I would need a spouse to help me with adulting. I am going to practice life skills with ACCS. Maybe I will eventually work but I’ll be lucky to make $30,000-$45,000 a year with reduced hours. With more hours or more high paying projects I would be lucky to make $50,000 to $100,000 per year. I still want time to have for my hobbies/interests/talents/passions/skillsets/aptitudes. Working full time would diminish that. I don’t know if I will travel much but I always wanted to travel in an rv motorhome. I will have to learn to cook, do personal and household shopping, pay bills/taxes/insurance, find the energy to clean the apartment or house, property maintenance. I don’t know if I will ever drive again because I probably can’t afford a car and all its maintenance fees. Also, there are property taxes on cars and houses and sometimes rv motorhomes. I would also like to help my family in older age be comfortable for all they have done for me. I wish I was rich so I could help my sister and parents pay off her student loans. And pay off mine. I wish I could take care of myself and my family in old age. I wish for a lot of things….