I feel alone.
I grew up in a place where it’s considered normal for adults to work very hard just to stay afloat and to be seen as responsible or legitimate. For many people, that path works. They hold jobs, build families, maintain connections, and keep moving forward.
I’ve watched that my whole life.
I’ve tried to do the same, repeatedly. But I’ve never been able to sustain it for long. I struggle with organization and consistency, and eventually I crash. For a long time, I assumed this meant there was simply something wrong with me.
Recently, I’ve been listening to people from outside the U.S., and it surprised me to learn that what I experience as “normal” is sometimes seen by others as unusually stressful. Not worse, not immoral, just demanding in a way that doesn’t work for everyone.
I’m not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with this country, or that hard work isn’t valued elsewhere, or that people here are doing life “incorrectly.” Clearly, many people make it work.
I’m starting to wonder if I just don’t.
What’s been hardest is that there doesn’t seem to be space to talk about that. The message I hear, directly or indirectly, is that if you can’t keep up, the problem must be laziness or personal failure. And maybe there is something wrong with me. But naming myself as the problem doesn’t fix anything.
Understanding that other places operate differently hasn’t fixed anything either. I’m still here. I’m still stuck. I’m still struggling.
I don’t know what to do next. I just know I feel very alone.
I’ve watched that my whole life.
I’ve tried to do the same, repeatedly. But I’ve never been able to sustain it for long. I struggle with organization and consistency, and eventually I crash. For a long time, I assumed this meant there was simply something wrong with me.
Recently, I’ve been listening to people from outside the U.S., and it surprised me to learn that what I experience as “normal” is sometimes seen by others as unusually stressful. Not worse, not immoral, just demanding in a way that doesn’t work for everyone.
I’m not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with this country, or that hard work isn’t valued elsewhere, or that people here are doing life “incorrectly.” Clearly, many people make it work.
I’m starting to wonder if I just don’t.
What’s been hardest is that there doesn’t seem to be space to talk about that. The message I hear, directly or indirectly, is that if you can’t keep up, the problem must be laziness or personal failure. And maybe there is something wrong with me. But naming myself as the problem doesn’t fix anything.
Understanding that other places operate differently hasn’t fixed anything either. I’m still here. I’m still stuck. I’m still struggling.
I don’t know what to do next. I just know I feel very alone.
