Building and Cultivating True Happiness from Within - Happiness is Not Dependent on Other People
As we move beyond the holiday season, it's common to feel a sense of emptiness or disconnection. We may find ourselves wondering where to find happiness. The truth is, happiness isn't something we discover; it's something we cultivate through our choices and mindset. We're never trapped unless we allow it.
Invest in yourself, then you can help, train, and support others. We're here to help and encourage others, yet not to the point where they are codependent on us for their happiness. In turn, they can pay that forward, but it's important for them to meet challenges on their own, so that they can learn and grow from their mistakes. That's a good thing. They will learn a lot more, as well.
The Myth of External Happiness
Many of us fall into the trap of thinking that happiness comes from others – a romantic partner, a friend, or family member. We believe that if they would just do or say the right thing, we'd be happy. But the reality is that our happiness doesn't depend on other people. In fact, relying on others for happiness can lead to depression, anxiety, disappointment, and vulnerability.
When we expect others to be the source of our happiness, it can also put a burden on them. They may feel like they're walking on eggshells, trying to meet your expectations or avoid disappointing you. This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, damaging our relationships and causing more harm, than good. It's unfair to put that kind of pressure on others, and it's not a healthy way to build strong, loving relationships.
The reality of the matter is that God has already given us all the tools we need, in order to create an environment where we are happy. It's never about pleasing others. I personally believe that not making ourselves top priority, is a form of self-abuse. God did not create friendships and relationships for us so people can demand from us or control us. If you're in that type of relationship, then stop allowing that in your life. Those are toxic relationships. We deserve relationships that are healthy.
Further, depending on others for happiness, can lead to codependency. When we rely too heavily on others for emotional validation and fulfillment, we can create unhealthy patterns of behavior within ourselves that are damaging to both ourselves, and others. We set ourselves up for failure, then wonder why we're unhappy. God made us perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, so don't listen to the devil's lies that you aren't. You are enough.
The Danger of Codependency - How It Can Manifest In Us:
People-pleasing: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others, even if it means sacrificing one's own needs and desires. If you love yourself, then make a note never to do that. It will free you. Many had to learn that, including myself, and I learned that years ago. I don't do that, ever. My boundaries are set steadfast, and my life is beautiful because of that decision. It was a taught habit that I had to break, in order to be healthy minded.
The only one you have to please is yourself. Never put anyone above you, but never think of yourself better than others, either. It is a healthy balance. A break from codependency. I had learned early in childhood that if I wanted my parent's love, then I must always be good and please them, so they would always love me. That largely depends on how your parents raised you...if they were healthy-minded themselves, but that is the perception I had as a child.
Over-attachment: Becoming overly attached to others, which can lead to an unhealthy level of dependence and *a loss of personal identity.* Please be careful of this, because when you are nothing but a people pleaser or codependent on people, you actually lose yourself and your identity. I know this because I did that at one time. It is the most miserable way to live. You must take back your power and control your own life. Be sure to set your boundaries and don't break them by giving in to people. That will make you begin to loathe yourself, because you know you're being untrue to yourself, and that produces no self respect, low self-esteem, and no love for yourself.
By recognizing the importance of finding happiness and fulfillment within ourselves, we can avoid these codependent patterns and build healthier, more balanced relationships, even with ourselves. This is not optional. This is pure necessity.
The Danger of Bailing People Out:
When we constantly "bail people out", either by giving them all the answers we're doing everything for them, we're actually hurting them. God gave us our brains, so that we could think and solve problems for ourselves, and sometimes He needs to get us alone, so that we can pray and listen to His voice, for good and right direction. Jesus is our Rescuer, not other people. It's okay to ask for others opinions, but not to the point where you're not doing any thing, or any thinking, on your own.
There should be a healthy balance for both parties. Otherwise, others will never learn and grow to be mature, independent, self-sufficient individuals, if we keep enabling others' unhealthy behaviors or addictions, rather than encouraging them to take responsibility for their own lives. A good friend will listen, but not do their thinking FOR them. That will only cripple them into avoiding responsibility and growing their confidence and character, self-esteem and self-worth.
The Key is to Prioritize: Set your boundaries, don't give more of yourself or your time than is necessary or *it will cost you dearly.* Keep your own rules, and you will be fine! You will be free and much happier. There's an "order" to things! It is there for a reason. When we stick to the "order of life", things work out for the better!
The Internal Source
The Bible reminds us that true joy comes from focusing on Christ, taking His pure advice and wisdom, and taking responsibility for what God has given us. "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence" (Psalm 16:11). When we focus on our relationship with God and cultivate a deep sense of inner peace, we become less dependent on external circumstances. I learned that God's Word is a Light unto my path and a Lamp unto my feet! You simply cannot go wrong by adhering to the Bible's teachings and guidance. It is a never-ending well of wisdom. A lot of books in this world inform, but none can transform our lives, like the Holy Spirit and the inspiration and wisdom he gives us from God's Word, our teaching tool.
Managing Expectations
It's essential to recognize that people are imperfect and have their own issues. When we expect others to fulfill our happiness needs, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, let's focus on building strong, healthy relationships where we can be ourselves, without expectation.
Taking Responsibility for Our Happiness
The Bible encourages us to take responsibility for our lives. When we take charge of our own happiness, we're not looking to others to "fix" us. We're free to be ourselves, and we create space for authenticity within ourselves, and in connections with others. My happiness and self-worth does not depend on constant validation from others, and yours shouldn't either. If it does, then it's time to look within ourselves and see exactly how we view ourselves. It's important to have self-awareness that we are enough.
Christ says we are enough and we are worthy to be loved. I thank God that my self-worth and self love is not dependent upon my performance. We make mistakes. That's the way we learn. It is what it is, and we shouldn't give that any more power than that. Salvation is not dependent on our performance. God loves us, though we sin. He knows we can't be perfect and he doesn't expect us to be perfect. He doesn't like it when we sin, of course, yet he loves us for the person we are, not according to our performance. He already loves us.
Practical Steps to Inner Happiness
Appreciate what you have: Focus on gratitude for your own life, rather than waiting for others to provide happiness. "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever!" (Psalm 107:1).
Develop self-approval: Seek approval from yourself, not from others, to build internal fulfillment. If even God loves us just as we are, how could we be so hard on ourselves as to not even love ourselves? That's a big deal, that Almighty God loves us. Surely we can love ourselves, as well. Isaiah 43:4 tells us that we are “precious and honored” in his sight. The Creator of the whole universe chose every part of you, just as he chose where to put each star in the sky. He thinks you are incredibly special! He looks at us as cherished and treasured.
The Bible describes humanity as the "crown of creation" primarily through the creation account in Genesis 1:26-28, where God creates humans in His image with dominion over the earth, and is echoed in Psalm 8:4-8, which reflects on humanity's special place, made "a little lower than the angels" and crowned with glory. These passages establish humans as the pinnacle of God's creative work, made last, as the most excellent.
Take charge of your feelings: Recognize that you can choose how to respond to others and events, rather than being a passive recipient of others' actions. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6).
Another Bible verse that comes to mind for taking charge of your feelings and responding intentionally is:
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
This verse reminds us that as believers, we have the power to choose how we respond to situations and people. We don't have to be controlled by fear, anxiety, or negative emotions. Instead, we can walk in the power, love, and sound mind that God has given us.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
This verse encourages us to renew our minds and not be controlled by external circumstances. By doing so, we can discern God's will and respond in a way that is healthy, both physically and spiritually.
I hope these verses bring encouragement and guidance!
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to cultivate true happiness from within. Guide us to focus on our relationship with You and to trust in Your goodness. Free us from the expectation that others will make or keep us happy, and instead, find joy in Your presence.
In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
Invest in yourself, then you can help, train, and support others. We're here to help and encourage others, yet not to the point where they are codependent on us for their happiness. In turn, they can pay that forward, but it's important for them to meet challenges on their own, so that they can learn and grow from their mistakes. That's a good thing. They will learn a lot more, as well.
The Myth of External Happiness
Many of us fall into the trap of thinking that happiness comes from others – a romantic partner, a friend, or family member. We believe that if they would just do or say the right thing, we'd be happy. But the reality is that our happiness doesn't depend on other people. In fact, relying on others for happiness can lead to depression, anxiety, disappointment, and vulnerability.
When we expect others to be the source of our happiness, it can also put a burden on them. They may feel like they're walking on eggshells, trying to meet your expectations or avoid disappointing you. This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, damaging our relationships and causing more harm, than good. It's unfair to put that kind of pressure on others, and it's not a healthy way to build strong, loving relationships.
The reality of the matter is that God has already given us all the tools we need, in order to create an environment where we are happy. It's never about pleasing others. I personally believe that not making ourselves top priority, is a form of self-abuse. God did not create friendships and relationships for us so people can demand from us or control us. If you're in that type of relationship, then stop allowing that in your life. Those are toxic relationships. We deserve relationships that are healthy.
Further, depending on others for happiness, can lead to codependency. When we rely too heavily on others for emotional validation and fulfillment, we can create unhealthy patterns of behavior within ourselves that are damaging to both ourselves, and others. We set ourselves up for failure, then wonder why we're unhappy. God made us perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, so don't listen to the devil's lies that you aren't. You are enough.
The Danger of Codependency - How It Can Manifest In Us:
People-pleasing: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others, even if it means sacrificing one's own needs and desires. If you love yourself, then make a note never to do that. It will free you. Many had to learn that, including myself, and I learned that years ago. I don't do that, ever. My boundaries are set steadfast, and my life is beautiful because of that decision. It was a taught habit that I had to break, in order to be healthy minded.
The only one you have to please is yourself. Never put anyone above you, but never think of yourself better than others, either. It is a healthy balance. A break from codependency. I had learned early in childhood that if I wanted my parent's love, then I must always be good and please them, so they would always love me. That largely depends on how your parents raised you...if they were healthy-minded themselves, but that is the perception I had as a child.
Over-attachment: Becoming overly attached to others, which can lead to an unhealthy level of dependence and *a loss of personal identity.* Please be careful of this, because when you are nothing but a people pleaser or codependent on people, you actually lose yourself and your identity. I know this because I did that at one time. It is the most miserable way to live. You must take back your power and control your own life. Be sure to set your boundaries and don't break them by giving in to people. That will make you begin to loathe yourself, because you know you're being untrue to yourself, and that produces no self respect, low self-esteem, and no love for yourself.
By recognizing the importance of finding happiness and fulfillment within ourselves, we can avoid these codependent patterns and build healthier, more balanced relationships, even with ourselves. This is not optional. This is pure necessity.
The Danger of Bailing People Out:
When we constantly "bail people out", either by giving them all the answers we're doing everything for them, we're actually hurting them. God gave us our brains, so that we could think and solve problems for ourselves, and sometimes He needs to get us alone, so that we can pray and listen to His voice, for good and right direction. Jesus is our Rescuer, not other people. It's okay to ask for others opinions, but not to the point where you're not doing any thing, or any thinking, on your own.
There should be a healthy balance for both parties. Otherwise, others will never learn and grow to be mature, independent, self-sufficient individuals, if we keep enabling others' unhealthy behaviors or addictions, rather than encouraging them to take responsibility for their own lives. A good friend will listen, but not do their thinking FOR them. That will only cripple them into avoiding responsibility and growing their confidence and character, self-esteem and self-worth.
The Key is to Prioritize: Set your boundaries, don't give more of yourself or your time than is necessary or *it will cost you dearly.* Keep your own rules, and you will be fine! You will be free and much happier. There's an "order" to things! It is there for a reason. When we stick to the "order of life", things work out for the better!
The Internal Source
The Bible reminds us that true joy comes from focusing on Christ, taking His pure advice and wisdom, and taking responsibility for what God has given us. "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence" (Psalm 16:11). When we focus on our relationship with God and cultivate a deep sense of inner peace, we become less dependent on external circumstances. I learned that God's Word is a Light unto my path and a Lamp unto my feet! You simply cannot go wrong by adhering to the Bible's teachings and guidance. It is a never-ending well of wisdom. A lot of books in this world inform, but none can transform our lives, like the Holy Spirit and the inspiration and wisdom he gives us from God's Word, our teaching tool.
Managing Expectations
It's essential to recognize that people are imperfect and have their own issues. When we expect others to fulfill our happiness needs, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, let's focus on building strong, healthy relationships where we can be ourselves, without expectation.
Taking Responsibility for Our Happiness
The Bible encourages us to take responsibility for our lives. When we take charge of our own happiness, we're not looking to others to "fix" us. We're free to be ourselves, and we create space for authenticity within ourselves, and in connections with others. My happiness and self-worth does not depend on constant validation from others, and yours shouldn't either. If it does, then it's time to look within ourselves and see exactly how we view ourselves. It's important to have self-awareness that we are enough.
Christ says we are enough and we are worthy to be loved. I thank God that my self-worth and self love is not dependent upon my performance. We make mistakes. That's the way we learn. It is what it is, and we shouldn't give that any more power than that. Salvation is not dependent on our performance. God loves us, though we sin. He knows we can't be perfect and he doesn't expect us to be perfect. He doesn't like it when we sin, of course, yet he loves us for the person we are, not according to our performance. He already loves us.
Practical Steps to Inner Happiness
Appreciate what you have: Focus on gratitude for your own life, rather than waiting for others to provide happiness. "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever!" (Psalm 107:1).
Develop self-approval: Seek approval from yourself, not from others, to build internal fulfillment. If even God loves us just as we are, how could we be so hard on ourselves as to not even love ourselves? That's a big deal, that Almighty God loves us. Surely we can love ourselves, as well. Isaiah 43:4 tells us that we are “precious and honored” in his sight. The Creator of the whole universe chose every part of you, just as he chose where to put each star in the sky. He thinks you are incredibly special! He looks at us as cherished and treasured.
The Bible describes humanity as the "crown of creation" primarily through the creation account in Genesis 1:26-28, where God creates humans in His image with dominion over the earth, and is echoed in Psalm 8:4-8, which reflects on humanity's special place, made "a little lower than the angels" and crowned with glory. These passages establish humans as the pinnacle of God's creative work, made last, as the most excellent.
Take charge of your feelings: Recognize that you can choose how to respond to others and events, rather than being a passive recipient of others' actions. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6).
Another Bible verse that comes to mind for taking charge of your feelings and responding intentionally is:
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
This verse reminds us that as believers, we have the power to choose how we respond to situations and people. We don't have to be controlled by fear, anxiety, or negative emotions. Instead, we can walk in the power, love, and sound mind that God has given us.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
This verse encourages us to renew our minds and not be controlled by external circumstances. By doing so, we can discern God's will and respond in a way that is healthy, both physically and spiritually.
I hope these verses bring encouragement and guidance!
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to cultivate true happiness from within. Guide us to focus on our relationship with You and to trust in Your goodness. Free us from the expectation that others will make or keep us happy, and instead, find joy in Your presence.
In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
