I am a terrible person! 👍🏾
In my recent situation I called on my mum for help. She offered to help with my dog and my son.
I think I've made a few posts about this recently and basically over the weeks she's been complaining that she's tired, that's she's under pressure from work, coming to mine later and later in the evenings because she is snowed under the workload.
When I went into a panic about paying for nursery fees she said to me that she couldn't help as she didn't have savings and if she could spare anything it was £200. so I said I'd sort it. Which I have, so she suggested putting the money aside incase I need it.
This past week she's said to me that she wants to give it to me as she doesn't think she'll be able to resist not spending it.
When she comes around, in exchange for her help I've cooked dinner and made enough for her to have left overs for lunch as she doesn't always get a lunch break.
When my son started nursery I told her that she didn't need to worry about helping walk the dog as I had already done it. But she'd still come around staying until after 10pm.
Then complain to me the next day, that she left so late she didn't sleep and is tired.
Some evenings she'd called at 5 to 5 when I'm leaving to collect my son, that she can't come that night and whatever additional reasons that day presents.
She's now been saying she needs to give me money towards the dinner. As she feels like I'm doing to much providing for her and that it must be costing me more. To which I responded no as I do a monthly shop and preparing what I have.
In between there's been fallings out, my mum saying she feels unsure and nervous when she's around me.
That she's not herself and that she feels like she can't do a thing right. Examples as to why we've had fallings out:
. she puts general rubbish in the recycling, even though I've told her if unsure look on the fridge, as I have a flyer there outlining the information; so she doesn't have to keep asking or think too hard.
. I've asked her if the nappies for the baby finish just replenish the changing area or let me know so I can get another packet.
. If I have asked her to turn down the room when we've swapped over getting my son to sleep she won't pull back the covers. Why does she do this, it's just helpful as he's heavy, and it's something I do for her to make things easier.
She took annual leave to have works done on her home this Friday, on my way to an appointment knowing she was stuck indoors I asked her if she wanted me to bring her lunch after, it was only meant to be a drop off as I had my nails to sort at the nail shop.
It was a quick call I told her to think about it and let me know.
She then texts me immediately saying, "I'm finding it really hard to tell you no, I actually wanted the day to myself".
I'm not entirely sure what I've said or done to welcome this but ok.
So I text back "ok".
She then sends another text, " it's not just you, I'm finding it hard to say no to everyone."
I then said " I'm not entirely sure why this is happening, as it was just a kind gesture as I was close by, if you didn't want lunch that was all you had to say. It wasn't a meant to make you feel pressured."
This isn't the only difficulty I've experienced this week I posted about a friend who I'm finding incredibly consuming, spending 2 hours at a time on the phone talking about the same stories relating to a guy she's been seeing, with her showing no understanding behind his behaviour each time we've spoken about him. She tries to keep me on the phone at times even when I've mentioned I need to attend to my son or my dog "oh but I just wanted to ask..." So in those instances when she keeps talking I've hung up because she won't let me get a word in or if I interject will start all over again.
When I invited her out for bonfire night I thought it would be fun, but she spent the whole time talking about him and my attempts to redirect to something especially was met with her spinning it back.
So I sent her a message just saying that I hope she finds peace as she is completely consumed by this.
It then was met with upset that I'm not allowing her to experience her pain and I just want her better and happy.
Which I feel is unfair as she holds so much of my time when we do talk and it's never enough.
I'm fed up really.
I think I've made a few posts about this recently and basically over the weeks she's been complaining that she's tired, that's she's under pressure from work, coming to mine later and later in the evenings because she is snowed under the workload.
When I went into a panic about paying for nursery fees she said to me that she couldn't help as she didn't have savings and if she could spare anything it was £200. so I said I'd sort it. Which I have, so she suggested putting the money aside incase I need it.
This past week she's said to me that she wants to give it to me as she doesn't think she'll be able to resist not spending it.
When she comes around, in exchange for her help I've cooked dinner and made enough for her to have left overs for lunch as she doesn't always get a lunch break.
When my son started nursery I told her that she didn't need to worry about helping walk the dog as I had already done it. But she'd still come around staying until after 10pm.
Then complain to me the next day, that she left so late she didn't sleep and is tired.
Some evenings she'd called at 5 to 5 when I'm leaving to collect my son, that she can't come that night and whatever additional reasons that day presents.
She's now been saying she needs to give me money towards the dinner. As she feels like I'm doing to much providing for her and that it must be costing me more. To which I responded no as I do a monthly shop and preparing what I have.
In between there's been fallings out, my mum saying she feels unsure and nervous when she's around me.
That she's not herself and that she feels like she can't do a thing right. Examples as to why we've had fallings out:
. she puts general rubbish in the recycling, even though I've told her if unsure look on the fridge, as I have a flyer there outlining the information; so she doesn't have to keep asking or think too hard.
. I've asked her if the nappies for the baby finish just replenish the changing area or let me know so I can get another packet.
. If I have asked her to turn down the room when we've swapped over getting my son to sleep she won't pull back the covers. Why does she do this, it's just helpful as he's heavy, and it's something I do for her to make things easier.
She took annual leave to have works done on her home this Friday, on my way to an appointment knowing she was stuck indoors I asked her if she wanted me to bring her lunch after, it was only meant to be a drop off as I had my nails to sort at the nail shop.
It was a quick call I told her to think about it and let me know.
She then texts me immediately saying, "I'm finding it really hard to tell you no, I actually wanted the day to myself".
I'm not entirely sure what I've said or done to welcome this but ok.
So I text back "ok".
She then sends another text, " it's not just you, I'm finding it hard to say no to everyone."
I then said " I'm not entirely sure why this is happening, as it was just a kind gesture as I was close by, if you didn't want lunch that was all you had to say. It wasn't a meant to make you feel pressured."
This isn't the only difficulty I've experienced this week I posted about a friend who I'm finding incredibly consuming, spending 2 hours at a time on the phone talking about the same stories relating to a guy she's been seeing, with her showing no understanding behind his behaviour each time we've spoken about him. She tries to keep me on the phone at times even when I've mentioned I need to attend to my son or my dog "oh but I just wanted to ask..." So in those instances when she keeps talking I've hung up because she won't let me get a word in or if I interject will start all over again.
When I invited her out for bonfire night I thought it would be fun, but she spent the whole time talking about him and my attempts to redirect to something especially was met with her spinning it back.
So I sent her a message just saying that I hope she finds peace as she is completely consumed by this.
It then was met with upset that I'm not allowing her to experience her pain and I just want her better and happy.
Which I feel is unfair as she holds so much of my time when we do talk and it's never enough.
I'm fed up really.
31-35, F
