Will living always feel like a preparation for war, I wonder.

Yes, probably. In the medical world we call it post traumatic stress disorder. I think it's just the world we live in. It's the world that your parents brought you into and failed you by forcing your little child self to continue to stay in a dangerous place among terrorists.

They failed you by keeping you in danger. You didn't deserve any of the things that happened to you as a result.

I don't know why God—if he is real—let this happen to an innocent girl but I'm at least glad that he gave you and me the opportunity to cross paths later.

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and protect you. You deserve an adult who wouldn't hurt you. Unfortunately, in reality, I was still pooping diapers when you were fighting for your life.

This may sound morbid but I know you don't spend time on sugarcoating things, so I'll say it: if both of us happen to have the same life expectancy, then I will outlive you. I don't plan on ever abandoning you. I have had the urge to leave this world but I never went through with it for very few reasons, one of them being your presence. I will continue to use it as a reason to stay, and hopefully offer you some peace of heart.

When we are traumatized to this degree, small breaks are often our only respite. I will always spend time with you, whether it's talking about serious topics or just laughing together. I'm sorry I was born too late but I'm still here for you. 🫂

I've not grown in a war zone so I cannot possibly relate to death of that nature and the scale of it. I've just had the normal experiences of death with a couple of more unusual ones thrown in. A friend who died in the Paddington train crash. A friend who died by suicide. A friend who died being murdered by his fiancée. Then family deaths. What I do reflect on in my own life is that the longer you live the more death that you see. A long life pretty much means watching everybody die and then you join them. That said, the horror of war and particularly at a young age is unimaginable. I cannot possibly compare to that because I've never been there and felt it. Just reading about the uglier conflicts in recent history is deeply disturbing. The Rwanda genocide, the war in Bosnia, the disgusting attrocities committed. There is so much dark in humanity.

Yes. In my opinion, it's not just people who have lived in war zones but also people who lost their parents like me. I've been very much aware of my own mortality since I was younger, I get the feeling. Like a cloud following you. You know it's there even when you can't see it

I remember the early nineties, I was around two years old or something. We were not allowed to go out the street because there may be Sunni groups conflicting with police forces " Sunni was the name given to the terroristic groups back then" . It was horrible .

My life literally feels likeva war every day

I hope for you it will come to feel like something better