Hhhhhhjhhhhhh

Hhhh life feels so lifeless , everything feels like a incovenience to me . I hate work , I never felt comfortable at there , everyday i make a stupid mistake that takes my peace and makes me dislike myself .when im home Im not really being productive nor resting because I remember the stupid things i do at work ,or life in general, I keep watching videos , wich is not even fun to me , but I keep on watching like some sort of punishment .I hate existing and being perceived as the fool i am . I feel like a zombie , im walking around but im not really alive . I keep on being a burden to others , i feel like i have some sort of block , I think about the right thing to do but for some reason my mind dont know where to go and i do wrong. Im currently in a college course I dont want , I didnt think well before choosing it , where i live i have very limited course options and I didnt really related to them . Everything feels wrong . I think i should do different things and see people but I have a aversion to it , i just want to stay home . Im feeling so bad for my mistakes , I didnt want to be incovenient to anyone yes but It doenst change the fact I was inconvenient. im a grown ass person and I keep on like this . Theres so much inside me but i cant even express it properly . Im sorry for the disorganized thoughts .