I'm tired of all of this

Every time when I fall I feel like I'm gaslighting myself to stand up and pretend that everything is okay. No, it never was. And I've only recently realised how pathetic I am. I feel so lost. I haven't achieved anything. I'm good at nothing. I'm not pretty (I'd use another word), I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have a job, I have only like 1-2 friends but we're not close and I know I'm replaceable. I'm an introvert and I'm a bad person. I literally have no reason to wake up except to do what I've been told, to live just because I was born.