I get overly attached to people
I still remember my classmates from 4years ago as friends. I rememebr our days in college... I have a soft spot for them, wish them well and you know, I remember them as friends. But most of them have moved on and don't even remember that stuff. They have moved on. Some of them got married, had kids, worked on themselves and got hotter... I'm still standing in the same spot, thinking of my last day with them as if it was yesterday
Also, I've had a housemate for the last three years. Supposedly when you live with someone for 3 years and spend a lot of time with them, you become friends, you become close. She still considers me a stranger. She's moving out and she's only told me in the last minute. This sudden move is strange. She's probably moving to be with a man. But I don't know. She doesn't tell me anything. She's not obliged to but I think it's weird that after all this time she still considers me a stranger and still questions me about everything (rent money...) as if she suspects I might scam her in some way, though she knows I'm a person of principles
Anyway, it's just sad to see people moving on with their lives and doing things when I'm still in the same spot. I dress the same, I talk the same, I act the same. The only thing that's different is that I'm more tired than I used to be, more depressed, and have less hope for a better future. And I used to be a top student, damn it
I'm learning my lessons, I guess. Just never thought a housemate disappointment would break my heart. I hate that I get attached so much. I also have clothes that my ex has given me that I don't want to throw away but also don't want to wear. I can't give them back to him either. I'm still grieving the loss of that boyfriend too. I regret having given him parts of my heart, having valued him, having given him more than he deserves. And my family of 7 want me to move back in with them, back into the noisy, nerve-wrecking house and the small bed that always gives me knee and back pain. Yeah, it feels like my life is falling apart. Many people think my curret job is amazing. Meanwhile, I have a poor woman mindset. I live a life full of struggle, I don't eat well (because ah this is too expensive, that is too expensive. I shouldn't waste money on that), I feel poor and like I only have a few cents when in fact I have enough to live a decent life, but I hate myself and my job and everything and I feel poor and live like I'm poor and make life so much more difficult for myself than it already is
Also, I've had a housemate for the last three years. Supposedly when you live with someone for 3 years and spend a lot of time with them, you become friends, you become close. She still considers me a stranger. She's moving out and she's only told me in the last minute. This sudden move is strange. She's probably moving to be with a man. But I don't know. She doesn't tell me anything. She's not obliged to but I think it's weird that after all this time she still considers me a stranger and still questions me about everything (rent money...) as if she suspects I might scam her in some way, though she knows I'm a person of principles
Anyway, it's just sad to see people moving on with their lives and doing things when I'm still in the same spot. I dress the same, I talk the same, I act the same. The only thing that's different is that I'm more tired than I used to be, more depressed, and have less hope for a better future. And I used to be a top student, damn it
I'm learning my lessons, I guess. Just never thought a housemate disappointment would break my heart. I hate that I get attached so much. I also have clothes that my ex has given me that I don't want to throw away but also don't want to wear. I can't give them back to him either. I'm still grieving the loss of that boyfriend too. I regret having given him parts of my heart, having valued him, having given him more than he deserves. And my family of 7 want me to move back in with them, back into the noisy, nerve-wrecking house and the small bed that always gives me knee and back pain. Yeah, it feels like my life is falling apart. Many people think my curret job is amazing. Meanwhile, I have a poor woman mindset. I live a life full of struggle, I don't eat well (because ah this is too expensive, that is too expensive. I shouldn't waste money on that), I feel poor and like I only have a few cents when in fact I have enough to live a decent life, but I hate myself and my job and everything and I feel poor and live like I'm poor and make life so much more difficult for myself than it already is
