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Wounds are activations ?

What happened this time. After a year and two months of keeping to myself I slept with this guy that I've been sharing the house with.
And how he reacted afterwards, keeping his distance and being like we just met or he barely knows me.

I went through a trip that opened my heart and made me receptive and vulnerable again and very creative and for that I am grateful.
But also I felt used, humiliated, disregarded, like I wasn't important or loved. And I became angry with myself for not protecting me, for going back into my older patterns.
My logic is very simple, if I am not enjoying the wholeness of the experience, then why have it ?

You'd think things were bad, he left for a couple of days and returned with another girl who stays in his room.
I'm living through this for the past few days.

I thought to leave but then I reminded myself that I'm not running. I am claiming my spaces, that's the very least I owe and can provide for myself. I'm not being pushed away any longer.
The guy truly tried for that.
He behaved like a jerk and he didn't like that I confronted him and called him out. He'd have preferences if I'd have just smiled silently and leave.

Things surfaced and I was able to dive deeper into new depths and layers of healing.

Are wounds activations or am I perpetuating a Stockholm syndrome ?

What's been done is done, I'll try to forgive everyone involved as much as I can and move on joyfully and lightly, being present and truthful as much as I can, being gentle but also standing up and speaking my truth.

It was sad, why that happened ? Why am I attracting this ? To react differently, to see what I want, to become stronger. Meh.

See, I'm going back and forth.
My whole routine collapsed and everything.
I'm leaving tomorrow.

One new thing I've discovered is that destructive forces are equally healing.
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elafina36-40, F
@Sojournersoul but apparently there's someone acting *enabling dick behaviour* and that's me. I should have known better by now jesus 馃槕
@elafina you just needed the touch of a person that was not the right one. Don鈥檛 be hard on yourself, we all have moments of weakness.
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elafina36-40, F
@NerdyPotato thank you Nerdy. Life's hard enough to be behaving to people like that.
I equally confronted myself, but this time equally.
Asking myself, babe, what did you truly expect from a guy you've just met ? A couple of weeks isn't Time.
And there were signs of course. I need to be more careful and my judgement needs get sharper.
I was weak but I was only very hungry for connection. Meh meh meh 馃槕
@elafina I can relate. Such a strong urge can cloud judgment. Don't be too hard on yourself for that.
elafina36-40, F
@NerdyPotato yeah 馃様
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elafina36-40, F
@Pfuzylogic everyone treats others the way they feel about themselves and I'm sorry for the guy.
I need to be more alert, yes.
Because I got, and I was seeing myself getting into it too, into the trip of the healer.
Which holds certain truths, of how lovers heal eachother.

I need to take better care of myself and I know better and I'm going to do it. That incident was apparently necessary...
I'll try to forgive like I said.

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