When You Suddenly Realize This Sh!t Has Been

Happening for almost 40-years. 40-years!!! 40-years of my life of stress, worry, sleepless nights, anxiety, that has aged me more than I would have aged. If you think the stress and worry about your children gets easier when they are adults, it doesn’t, especially when the drama goes on and on, to where you can’t even allow yourself to relax anymore because you are always waiting for the other show to drop, and it does. Now, today, after more drama (and some has been life and death type), I feel I’m going into my old age with all the worry of the past, and I ask myself what is worse – to keep going on living with this stress, or to let my child go from my life? That’s a grief in itself. I’ve realized that now I’ve reached old age that I was never meant to be happy. Never meant to have peace and harmony in my life. Never meant to be loved. It is what it is. I can’t change the preceding 70-years of my life. Still, it would be nice to get a break, and know what it’s like to have a good life, even if only for a little while, but I know more drama/grief is coming, so I have to gird my loins or drop dead from the sheer stress of it all.