How do i move on?? Please give me instructions
How do i move on knowing that a old friend dislikes me now and is my fault?
An old friend doesnt care about me bcuz i said something bad and acted bad, but i apologized many times and things didnt get better
Like , I apologized for being immature and toxic and she said i wasnt toxic and i shoud take care of myself , but if i wasnt toxic then shoudnt her keep contact with me ?? Like , i was annoying but i apologized and if she told me i coud change , but she doenst showed interest in keeping contact , she talked to me after but she never did like before , she doesnt even said something like " hey you can walk with us again if u want " . What I did was that bad ? Like , I humiliated myself and give her gifts but she coudnt see how i cared? I wanted at least an explanation on why she doesnt liked me anymore , I think i deserved at least an explanation . Like , she forgive her bf after he cheated , why cant her forgive me?
I gave gifts to her and complimented her.
I know we shoudnt buy people but i was trying to redeem myself , i think i forced things too much , pushing it too far ,like if i were forcing her to talk to me , but as a friend , coudnt her tell me what was wrong with me? for the good of both of us ? I know i am annoying and have no self respect but im also a person .we know eachother for so long .I did good things for her in the past , have her already forgotten it ?
Even after this , I helped her group in a project ,it wasnt big deal but coudnt her at least treat me a little better ?
I hate me for losing her , but also ( Im not proud of it ) , I hate her .for not explaining , for not caring , for not being grateful, sometimes I imagine a dramatic scenario where I die and she regrets what she did to me . But also , i was the one who failed with her first , i may not even have the right to say such things . But idk , i was the one who needed her , she doesnt needed me . I kinda feel like she never really wanted my presence , even years before this happened , like when i came to visit her and she keept watching tik toks instead of talking to me .
But i also was kinda bad , i was and still am , kinda of apathetic towards people .
Recently ,she unfollowed me and removed me from her followers on ig , i tried to follow back but ofcourse, she didnt accept my solicitation .
Maybe it was because i didnt say goodbye on the last day at school ( but she didnt say bye to me either) , or because i didnt looked at her stories ( because tbh, i dont want to see her ) anyway it hurted me and i hate her for that .I feel like I never want to see her face again .
I know its wrong and Im the wrong one . This plus other things makes me hate myself and dont move on , i feel like a terrible person and that i dont deserve happiness, I never hated a person close to me like this.
Like , I felt awful when she stopped keeping contact , I felt so miserable . And i cant stop thinking about how she must enjoy making me feel like this . I do have "friends" but one doesnt seem to wish my presence that much , and the other moved to another state. Im not good at making friends , firstly bcuz Im too used of beign alone , secondly im afraid of talking bcause i dont want to annoy / hurt people again , and last , i have no personality , i have nothing to offer .
Idk how to create deep connections , actually im afraid of it .im afraid of taking life seriously , im afraid of showing feelings and afraid of ppl showing me feelings .
Im awkward , bland , and have nothing to offer , i have no coordination or social skills , i have no connections , and i dont want that one friend to see this misery , because i feel like she hould enjoy this , enjoy seeing the foolish clown humiliate herself again .
What do i do to fix it ? Fix myself?
An old friend doesnt care about me bcuz i said something bad and acted bad, but i apologized many times and things didnt get better
Like , I apologized for being immature and toxic and she said i wasnt toxic and i shoud take care of myself , but if i wasnt toxic then shoudnt her keep contact with me ?? Like , i was annoying but i apologized and if she told me i coud change , but she doenst showed interest in keeping contact , she talked to me after but she never did like before , she doesnt even said something like " hey you can walk with us again if u want " . What I did was that bad ? Like , I humiliated myself and give her gifts but she coudnt see how i cared? I wanted at least an explanation on why she doesnt liked me anymore , I think i deserved at least an explanation . Like , she forgive her bf after he cheated , why cant her forgive me?
I gave gifts to her and complimented her.
I know we shoudnt buy people but i was trying to redeem myself , i think i forced things too much , pushing it too far ,like if i were forcing her to talk to me , but as a friend , coudnt her tell me what was wrong with me? for the good of both of us ? I know i am annoying and have no self respect but im also a person .we know eachother for so long .I did good things for her in the past , have her already forgotten it ?
Even after this , I helped her group in a project ,it wasnt big deal but coudnt her at least treat me a little better ?
I hate me for losing her , but also ( Im not proud of it ) , I hate her .for not explaining , for not caring , for not being grateful, sometimes I imagine a dramatic scenario where I die and she regrets what she did to me . But also , i was the one who failed with her first , i may not even have the right to say such things . But idk , i was the one who needed her , she doesnt needed me . I kinda feel like she never really wanted my presence , even years before this happened , like when i came to visit her and she keept watching tik toks instead of talking to me .
But i also was kinda bad , i was and still am , kinda of apathetic towards people .
Recently ,she unfollowed me and removed me from her followers on ig , i tried to follow back but ofcourse, she didnt accept my solicitation .
Maybe it was because i didnt say goodbye on the last day at school ( but she didnt say bye to me either) , or because i didnt looked at her stories ( because tbh, i dont want to see her ) anyway it hurted me and i hate her for that .I feel like I never want to see her face again .
I know its wrong and Im the wrong one . This plus other things makes me hate myself and dont move on , i feel like a terrible person and that i dont deserve happiness, I never hated a person close to me like this.
Like , I felt awful when she stopped keeping contact , I felt so miserable . And i cant stop thinking about how she must enjoy making me feel like this . I do have "friends" but one doesnt seem to wish my presence that much , and the other moved to another state. Im not good at making friends , firstly bcuz Im too used of beign alone , secondly im afraid of talking bcause i dont want to annoy / hurt people again , and last , i have no personality , i have nothing to offer .
Idk how to create deep connections , actually im afraid of it .im afraid of taking life seriously , im afraid of showing feelings and afraid of ppl showing me feelings .
Im awkward , bland , and have nothing to offer , i have no coordination or social skills , i have no connections , and i dont want that one friend to see this misery , because i feel like she hould enjoy this , enjoy seeing the foolish clown humiliate herself again .
What do i do to fix it ? Fix myself?
18-21, F
