La La land

Watching La La Land for the first time since I immigrated...

This movie will always have a special place in my heart.. I don't watch many movies or really hardly watch any, but I decided to watch that one at the time based on a friend's recommendation because I love jazz..

The first time I watched it was on a weekend in December 2019, after I had spent my morning in Starbucks contemplating immigration and then suddenly decided to go to IKEA to buy a desk and a fan.. That IKEA turned out to be way too far (as usual, no clue about locations) .. The trip was sooooo liberating though..

Belive it or not, those two items represented freedom to me on so many not so obvious levels. Probably because I hadn't bought prices of furniture for myself ever before, and while there I imagined that it would be nice if I were in my own place getting my own stuff.. I lacked control over my life, And I felt that they gave me some control.. I spent hours on that desk studying for my English exam and working on my application, it was my favourite private space.. That fan gave me control in a place where I had no control over simple things like the AC (while it was me who paid electricity bills) and the persons I lived with were inconsiderate to think of others or would even purposely do the opposite of what others wanted.. That's aside from the horrible non stop smoking.. To think of it, that was abuse.. I never bothered to fight, I just always looked for other solutions, to me that was a hopeless situation.

It is why I had so much trouble selling those two items when I left.

So there I was high on thinking about immigration during that day and from my 'liberating' trip to IKEA.. I decided to watch La La Land while I was testing my new fan.. It was a good weekend night and I fell in love with the jazz musicals that I listened to them non stop throughout 2020, every single day, as I actually practically started putting immigration into action instead of just contemplating it, as I have been doing during the years that preceeded 2020..

Sometimes it is nice to think about those miserable nights or the struggles.. That night when I was watching it.. How I felt.. The musicals in it and the energy that they filled me with.. Thinking about all of that today, while in in my own place on the other side of the world, just like I imagined and wished but deep down doubted that it would happen.. It is nice to watch it tonight and think of it all, and think about that night.

[media=https://youtu.be/7CVfTd-_qbc]