Venting/ ranting about my life I guess

I feel a lot of pressure but nobody is pressuring me to do anything, I'm going into advanced classes for school next year and as great of an opportunity to me this is I feel like I'll be great for a day and then spiral after, I'm moving to a nearby city and switching to a new highschool, I'm excited to start new, leave all my troubles I have in my current location be.. but moving and being in a new place will bring more troubles for me.. I'm gonna live with both my parents for the first time since I was 6 years old, my dad has high standards for cleaning and i feel like he doesn't understand the struggle I feel to get up and do just that... Simply clean my room, or not eat in my room, I feel safe in my own space to eat something, but Infront of everyone else the urge to eat dissipates and I physically can't, the urge to hurt myself or smoke the pain away is too strong for me to handle.
I can't wait till I'm an adult and don't have to worry about the upcoming exam that I won't be able to study for cause I can't get out of bed, or worry about getting in trouble for having a drink once in a while or just be able to smoke freely, I want to be able to be independent and deal with things on my own, I hate asking for help when I know I need it, I hate pretending I'm okay when I'm not, but I can't stop, I can't wait to be able to go on late night drives by myself so I can calm down.... When I move I'll be in a bigger city, bigger house.. and have no money to pay for stuff that I need, or want.
I've become so used to dealing with my struggles and anxiety's that asking for easy help has become impossible, I regret telling my best friend about someone who molested me when I was younger, cause she is constantly pressuring me to tell my parents when I don't want to. I don't feel a need to because I've already moved on from that small part of my stupid short life.
Sorry this is a long vent/ rant but if you read through it all thank you..