The old me

Sometimes I wish I could get back that spark that was in my younger self... I was tireless and full of myself... and I was energetic as hell, moving like a fast train, nothing would have stopped me..

I receievd a feedback from one of my french teachers that pleased me the most..

Motivée, bonne attitude, et dynamique ! Je vous félicite, suivez mes reccommandations, et continuez comme ca ! :D

I was so freaking pleased with this feedback even though I have received better feedbacks that complimented my actual french skills.. But this one talked about my energy and attitude.. That's more important to me, because I've always believed that my energy is what got me ahead, it was not exactly my genius... And I really did not believe that I still had it in me.. those sentences seem to fit the old me..

Because truth is, I have been struggling to attend classes and I have not even been preparing for them or reviewing much. Not like last time i took the same language challenge. I am just a bit too exhausted all the time.. and if it wasn't for the fact that this is a challenge and I have to attend a class every single day, I would probably not be studying french at all.. it is why i signed up, to force myself to study!

The only positive thing I noticed about this course as opposed to the previous one is that I became more confident to try and express myself in french knowing that what I am saying is pretty much broken but can be understood.. because it is difficult to find the right rules and words in your head when speaking as oppsoed to writing .... before I'd resort to English a lot because i felt that i could not possibly say it and i did not like making mistakes.. In addition, I'd anwer with no and yes to avoid talking and would not volunteer
or engage much.. but now I feel i don't mind expanding a little. That's probably the only positive thing i could see in myself and i am glad that i still come across as such and that my lack of motivation doesn't show..

I'd do anything to get back my energy even for a little while because I really need it, and not just for french! I need to be the strong badass i used to be, because I have been feeling a bit broken and weak, for a while now...