I've always struggled with an addictive personality

My worst being my addiction to weed for 10 years. I would have real anxiety when I couldn't get it, I even stole when I was a teen for it because I was so psychologically dependent on it. For a depressed kid that was everything to me.

I used to do lots of drugs to the point where I was basically strung out, it was a dark time for me.
I literally didnt even have caffeine for 2 years, I quit smoking and everything.

I realise now that I'm still an addict, I don't do drugs or smoke weed and haven't for many years, but I still seek something to fill that void. I started smoking because of a horrible job and the stress it gave me, i tried quitting a month ago but I realised the dopamine was stopping me feeling depressed.

So I started again for my mental health. I don't wanna do it anymore though. It's so expensive and it stinks, I literally don't need it but I find myself romanticising it in my life when I think of occassions, it's literally addiction talking, that goes away so quick once you stop.

I am a person who has gained control over myself, but that addictive tendency is still there. I can't do something a little bit, I have to do it all day. I'm writing this out to admit to myself that I am and have been an addict.

I want to stop again, I just need to time it right.