Why does nobody talk about how bad body dysmorphia hurts?
How everyday is a battle with yourself in the mirror, how it takes 2 hours to get ready because you've gone through every outfit in your wardrobe and nothing looks good enough on you. How looking in the mirror feels like a punch in the gut. Complete and utter disgust. Deep seated pain and envy that you will never be able to be that perfect skinny girl with the perfect figure that everyone adores and even if people do tell you that you swear they're lying. The worst part of it all is that everyone confuses body dysmorphia for vanity because you never stop looking at yourself in the mirror always changing outfits always posing in anything that has a reflection when you pass by but not because you're happy with what you're seeing because you have to constantly have an idea of what you think other people are seeing you as have to know exactly where your pants are sitting on your waist have to constantly suck your gut in and hold your arms a certain way so that other people will see you in a certain pose that you think is going to make you look thinner. it consumes my entire brain my entire life and I don't know how to get rid of it I literally don't know how to see myself any other way and it hurts so bad I'm so tired of crying everyday because I'm not happy with myself.
